Editor's Note: The "Starship Prachar" isa mobile home carrying a small group of premies on an extended propagational tour throughout America. Here we present a slightly edited copy of their regular report to headquarters. In some cases the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
"Leaving the orbit of Memphis, we rocketed across Tennessee on the way toward Lexington, Kentucky. On the way, we stopped to behold the wonderous spectacles of Mammoth Cave. We took a 2½ hour tour through the incredible caverns. The tour was quite uneventful until we came to an unforeseen obstacle, Fat Man's Misery, a 400 foot long, twisting, narrow passageway! There were rumors and murmurings in the group whether or not you-know-who would make it through. (Tiny - 280 lbs. - captain of Starship Prachar.) But undaunted, he entered the tunnel. With great difficulty, he squeezed through the cracks and oozed through the crevasses, filling the place like a wet cork in a wine bottle. With the efforts of 40 people from behind, and the Grace of Guru Maharaj Ji, he popped out on the other side only to receive the applause of 150 cheering onlookers. Tiny only bowed his head, wiped the brow from his forehead and proceeded to the next bend.
From Mammoth Cave, we journeyed to the Louisville premie center, located 50 miles from Lexington (the site of our next program). The crew docked in back of the house where we made our rendezvous. We stayed most of the next day and then left for Lexington.
Everything went well all week until the day of the program when Sir Deanship, a ravenous wolf dressed in sheep's clothing, a secret agent of D.A.R.K. (Demons Against Receiving Knowledge), sneered through his gritted teeth and informed us that our program had been cancelled because of a rule found in the fine print of the student handbook. But the Light never dies. Guru Maharaj Ji is always in this world dispelling D.A.R.K.ness. So by His Grace, the program happened at 7:28 p.m. when two student government members got their chance to play "Beat the Dean" and found another technicality in smaller print and the show went on…
After the program, 10 people went to receive Knowledge while we beamed back up to the Starship Prachar and set course back to Louisville, enroute to Toledo, Ohio.
Two days later, we locked in orbit around Toledo and began indoctrinating the inhabitants of the University of Toledo with leaflets and posters.
It was here that we encountered another enemy. Although this space being is too ugly to behold with the naked eye, it took the form of hecklers and attacked fiercely during the question and answer period from all fronts. It seemed to have in its memory banks all negative information that had ever been printed about our Lord. By His Grace, we pulled through and three people went to receive Knowledge and we returned to the safety of our ship! So we left Toledo, intending to spend a week in lower Michigan touring all the space stations and re-energizing, preparing for our next campaign to the north. This concludes 3.000 of Captain's log, Star date 42274 of the Starship Prachar…