DURGA JI'S SATSANG
london guru puja - June 24, 1979
Pranam, Maharaj Ji.
Jai Satchitanand. I really hope that all of you are experiencing satchitanand. Because it's really something to say jai about. This is an incredible situation that we're in. And if we're not experiencing that satchitanand, then I don't know what we're experiencing.
It's so beautiful that Guru Maharaj Ji has allowed us to come together like this. Because I never imagined that this Guru Puja would be like this at all. I never imagined it. And part of me is saying, "Oh, those poor premies, in the rain, in the cold."
And yet, why even relate to that? Because what I'm feeling is just, "Oh Maharaj Ji, what you're doing is so beautiful." Really, it feels like this is not really real. Even though we're here and we're all bundled up and then the rain falls. But we still keep listening to satsang. We still keep attending satsang.
And that's what's real. That's what's really real.
And I feel that it is only by Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace that we can listen to satsang, that we can give satsang, that we can experience satsang. Because it's definitely an experience. It's such an incredible experience. Because I didn't know what was going to happen today at all. Things have been happening and I didn't know if Maharaj Ji was going to give satsang when he did. And I didn't know if I would be given this opportunity to give satsang.
But inside, what I was praying for is, "Please Guru Maharaj Ji. Just let me experience you. I don't care if it's satsang, service, meditation, darshan - just let it be you. Because what if I sit in satsang and I don't experience you? Is it satsang then? Or what if I'm sitting down in meditation and I don't experience you? Is it meditation? Or is it something else?
Or what if I'm performing some action and I think it's service? But is it really, if I'm not experiencing you?
Guru Maharaj Ji! It's Guru Maharaj Ji that we want to experience. He gives us the way in which to experience him. He's showing so clearly that really we have nothing to do with it, except somehow, by his Grace, we can pray that we surrender, that we can just be open, that we will allow him to open us. Because I feel I can't open myself. How can I open myself? I'm powerless to open myself.
But I know Guru Maharaj Ji can.
So please, Guru Maharaj Ji, open me. Please. Please let me make that little tiny effort to surrender to you. And then I know you'll do everything else. I know you'll take care of me.
And today I've had such an incredible experience. "Oh, Maharaj Ji. When it comes down to it, sometimes I don't understand why you're still here. Because the effort that I make is so lousy, is so small."
Someone was giving satsang and it's like when you're feeling really great and you're feeling that inspiration. It's "Oh, Guru Maharaj Ji. I'll do anything for you. Just name it. I'll do anything. I'll climb the highest mountain. I'll swim the
deepest sea. I'll do this. I'll do that."
But boy, when it comes right down to it and we're feeling a little bit tired or we're just not feeling so great, "Well, Maharaj Ji. You know. You understand. I'm too tired right now. I don't want to do it." And we just let the whole thing go.
And there's Guru Maharaj Ji. And Guru Maharaj Ji's saying, "If you really want to experience me, you have to just shut up and listen." And that's so true. Because I'm sure it would seem absurd to all of us if Guru Maharaj Ji were speaking and someone started interrupting him, constantly interrupting Guru Maharaj Ji when he's speaking. If you were sitting at the dining room table and Maharaj Ji were speaking and someone just interrupted, interrupted, interrupted, you'd just say, "Oh man, that's so off-the-wall."
But what about us? What about us? All the time. Aren't we interrupting Guru Maharaj Ji all the time? Carrying off on our little thoughts, on our little ideas, on our concepts, on our ambitions, on our plans, on everything. And we really just scoot Guru Maharaj Ji right aside. "Oh Maharaj Ji, I'm sure you'll understand."
And there's always a justification. There's always a reason. But what is it that gives justifications and reasons? It's that mind. And we fall for it. We fall for it; we fall for it. Literally, we fall. Because we're always so ready to listen to that mind. We plug ourselves right into that mind and we just synch right up with it. We merge right with it.
And then by some incredible Grace we go, "Wait a minute. Oh, Maharaj Ji. Wait. Oh, where've I been? Oh, Guru Maharaj Ji, help me. Protect me. Save me." And he does.
And what I was feeling today is like that song, "Are you child, man, woman, baby?" Often I feel that Guru Maharaj Ji is like a tiny, tiny baby. The seed that Guru Maharaj Ji gives us, this Knowledge, is like a tiny baby that he's given each one of us. And look at the way we've treated this baby. I mean, to me it's the most disgusting thing I can think of. Would you neglect your own child the way that you neglect Guru Maharaj Ji? I know I don't. I take much better care of Wadi, Hansi, Daya than I do of what Guru Maharaj Ji's given me, of my Guru Maharaj Ji.
And it's always that justification, "Oh Guru Maharaj Ji. You understand." If your child were crying in the middle of the night, you'd get up and rock the child, walk with the child. But what about Guru Maharaj Ji? "I'm too tired. I don't feel like it. I don't want to do service now. I don't want to listen to satsang now. I don't want to meditate now. I've got something else to do. It's really important. I can always meditate later. I can always listen to satsang later. Oh, I can always do service. There's always something I can find that I like to do."
And if we're coming from that kind of a consciousness then it is not service, it is not satsang, and it is not meditation.
Because Guru Maharaj Ji is the giver of that. We don't pick and choose it whenever we feel like doing it. It's not ours to pick and choose. It's not ours to demand. It's his. And it's his Grace that brings it. And yet we have to be open enough to receive it.
Satsang is a very incredible experience. And I don't think anyone can get enough of it, ever. And what about meditation? Do we love meditation? Do we love meditation? Yes, we do, really. I believe really we do. Then why is there that resistance? That's a good question. Why? What's resisting?
Because really, for each and every one of us who has experienced meditation, when we are experiencing that pure vibration, that pure love. I know there's no doubt that we love this more than anything, that it's true, that it's perfect, that it's our real connection to Guru Maharaj Ji. And there's no resistance then. Because we're open then. Because somehow we've made that determination, "Guru Maharaj Ji, I want to dedicate myself." We've made a commitment.
"Guru Maharaj Ji, please let me experience you." It's not like, "I'm going to sit here for a half an hour and if I don't experience anything by then, well, then I guess I'm not going to experience anything, so I'll get up and do what I have to do." Or, "I'll put in an hour's worth. Well, probably not much is going to happen anyway."
I mean, you might as well forget it. Satsang, service and meditation isn't a time you put in. It's not a time. It's not, "I've put my time in for the day. I've put my time of meditation in, my time of service, my time of satsang. Okay, I've done my credits for the day. I'm doing good now."
Whenever you hear that little thing - "Boy, I'm doing pretty good" - you better know exactly where that's coming from. Whenever you even feel that feeling, "Oh yeah, I'm doing pretty good. Did a lot of service today. Oh, I really did a lot of meditation. That was really good. Oh, that satsang was really nice. I really gave nice satsang. I really listened to sat- sang really good today." That is that mind. And it's just moving in so subtly. And then it robs the whole experience.
And I just feel like, "Oh Maharaj Ji, please do anything. Do everything. But please give me the strength to accept it. And not to complain and not to ask why. But just to accept it. Please, Guru Maharaj Ji, let me surrender."
Because Guru Maharaj Ji has said, "Only you can surrender. Only you can." And if he is saying I can surrender, then I know I can. But I also feel that, "Guru Maharaj Ji, it's only by your Grace that I can. Because I've resisted and I've resisted and I've resisted you for so long. And by your Grace you're allowing me to feel that surrender. And I know you're
giving it to me. I know you're letting it happen. But I know there's one little thing that I've got to do. And that's just take that little step to you, whatever that is, at that particular time. Which is always right now." And there's nothing wrong with saying, "Maharaj Ji, help me! Help me!"
Because it seems to me I always need that help. I never really feel strong. I never really feel strong. Or if I do it's just so quick. Because before I know it some situation is coming and trying to knock me right off my feet. And it does every time if I don't ask Guru Maharaj Ji for help, if I don't remember Holy Name, if I don't ask Guru Maharaj Ji, "Please, Guru Maharaj Ji, please. Guru Maharaj Ji, let me surrender to you. Please." Because I think I'm going to get smacked so hard.
And yet, by his Grace, when he allows us that surrender it's so beautiful. So beautiful. That is the thing to be. That surrender is being saved. And Guru Maharaj Ji is saying we can surrender. We can be surrendered. We can really surrender. It's not just, "I surrendered on Tuesday at 2 o'clock and that's it. And then at 2:30 that was it. I was completely in my mind again." And then you go on and off and on and off. No.
Guru Maharaj Ji has the power to save us constantly. And we constantly have to give ourselves to Guru Maharaj Ji, so that he can save us. Because if we give ourselves to the mind, we've just given ourselves to the mind. And that's like the deal, that's like the contract. Guru Maharaj Ji is saying, "Give yourself to me and I'll save you. I want to save you. I'm here to save you."
And so I just feel, "Guru Maharaj Ji, please don't let me neglect you." It's the saddest thing to see a little baby being neglected by it's mother or father, or whoever's taking care of it. It's the saddest thing. But what about Guru Maharaj Ji? And I feel that that doesn't have to happen with any of us. Because that's not why Guru Maharaj Ji's here. For us to have this incredible life, this incredible place to be, Guru Maharaj Ji here … and then for us to blow it, for us to neglect him, for us to completely get off the track and just miss everything, when he's giving everything. Because he's saying, "You're not missing anything. I'm giving you everything." But we are missing everything when we turn away from Guru Maharaj Ji.
Guru Maharaj Ji has given us the most powerful thing: his Grace. And we don't have any idea what that Grace is. I don't think we have any idea what that Grace is. And yet maybe we do have a little, tiny bit of experience of it. Maybe we have a lot of experience of it. We can't really have an idea of it. But we do have experience of his Grace. And it is so powerful.
You know, sometimes Wadi will do something. She'll pull something from a table or pull a tablecloth and a vase will come down and land on her foot or something like this. Maharaj Ji said, "Don't do that" and she did it anyway. And he'll say, "Okay, Wadi, that's your grace. That was by your grace." And I feel that's the way it is with us. We do so many things. And we have to take the consequences. That's our grace. We don't want our grace. We want Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace.
And he's showering it. This is what we have to see. If we are here at this festival then he's giving it. I know it is only by Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace that I'm sitting right here. And it's only by Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace that he's allowing me to experience satsang. Because for so
long I had an idea of what satsang was. And it wasn't really satsang. And for so long I had an idea of what service was. And it wasn't service. And for so long I had an idea of what meditation was. And it wasn't meditation.
I know someone said, "Oh Durga Ji, you have so much service. You have so much service." And they were referring to Wadi and Hansi and Daya. And I just couldn't believe it because really, I can't say that it's my service to take care of my children. That's my duty. I must take care of my children. I have to. It's tied to me. It's in me. It would be very painful if someone prevented me from taking care of my children. You know, I want to take care of them. If they're crying, I want to comfort them. It's a maternal instinct.
It's not my service unless Guru Maharaj Ji came to me and said, "Marolyn, I want that to be your service." But Guru Maharaj Ji never told me that.
And yet I can experience such an incredible thing when I give a glass of water to Guru Maharaj Ji. I can really experience service from giving Guru Maharaj Ji a glass of water. It's such a personal thing from me to him, by his Grace. It's just like, "Maharaj Ji, you're asking me to give you that water." And I watch him move me in giving him that water. And I experience service then. I don't think about it. It's nothing I think about. I mean I see that it's just his love, his gift to me that I can do something for him while I'm here in this body and while he's here in this body. There's something that I can do for him directly. Not whatever I particularly want to be doing at the moment and saying, "Oh yeah, well I'm doing service now." And that's giving Hansi his dinner. No.
It's an experience. Yesterday someone was saying that Guru Maharaj Ji gave the service to someone in the residence to find a mosquito flying around. He said, "There's a mosquito flying around. Find that mosquito." And I never heard that story before but when I was listening to that satsang it was really so beautiful because the mind wants to think, "Oh, that's some insignificant little tiny thing. Forget it. I can't find that mosquito."
But what about that faith in Guru Maharaj Ji? Is he just saying that just to say it? Or was there a real experience behind that? And there was! For that premie, there was a beautiful experience. "Guru Maharaj Ji's given me this service. And I haven't found that mosquito yet. But I'll just keep looking. And I know by his Grace I will."
To me that's really beautiful. Because me, I'd probably go, "Oh, I don't see it. Okay, let's move on." And yet I see Guru Maharaj Ji's perfect. And everything he does is perfect. And everything he does for us is perfect. But we miss it if we're not right there.
I know we do so many things in the name of service. And they're not service. And then they come back. They come back. And they always come back to Guru Maharaj Ji. And then Guru Maharaj Ji's not very pleased. Because instead of a rose in Guru Maharaj Ji's path it's a thorn. And we put it there.
But how does that happen? How? Because we're not in that consciousness. We're following the mind. But how do we know the difference? Because that mind can talk very fine. Very smooth. Very smooth talker, you know. Mixes a lot of fancy words in and before you know it, "Oh yeah, that's a really good idea. Yeah, that'd be really great."
And then we go for it. Instead of, "Wait a minute. Is this really what you want me to do, Guru Maharaj Ji? Is this coming from you? Please let me know. I don't want to do anything that wouldn't please you. I don't want to do anything if it's not your direction." And I know for myself, I'm not so plugged in to Guru Maharaj Ji that I can tell the difference sometimes.
Sometimes it sounds, "Yeah, a really good idea. That'd be really great. Maharaj Ji'd really like it." And then somehow it's shown to me, "No. Forget it. Don't do that." But am I attached to it? Do I really want to do it for myself? Because if it's for myself and I'm attached to it, it's not what Guru Maharaj Ji wants me to do. But if it's something that Guru Maharaj Ji wants me to do and if it's really sincere from my heart, then it doesn't matter if Guru Maharaj Ji says yes or no. It's not for me.
And Guru Maharaj Ji lets us know. But are we willing to really stop and ask Guru Maharaj Ji in our hearts? And I really know that Guru Maharaj Ji will let us know if we're making the right move or not. But so often we don't want to know because we just want to do it. And we know. We're too scared to even ask Guru Maharaj Ji. Because Guru Maharaj Ji might say no. It might not be what Guru Maharaj Ji wants. And we really want to do it. So we won't even ask Guru Maharaj Ji. We'll just go ahead and do it. "It's okay."
And there's that mind. Right there, justifying the whole thing. And then we do it. And there's no experience! There's no experience of Guru Maharaj Ji then.
And that's what we want! We want that experience of Guru Maharaj Ji. Or do we? Do we? I mean, this is something we have to ask ourselves. Do we? "Do I really want you, Guru Maharaj Ji, more than anything? More than anything?"
It's easy to go, "Yeah, yeah. I do, I do. Yeah, yeah, I do." But how about when it really comes down to the nitty-gritty? That's when we really have to ask Guru Maharaj Ji. And really ask Guru Maharaj Ji from a very deep, deep place. Because what I feel is that Guru Maharaj Ji's allowing us to surrender. He's allowing us to surrender. And that's the most incredible thing.
We celebrated our fifth wedding anni-
versary. And I knew that Guru Maharaj Ji was going to ask me, "What do you want?" I knew he was going to because he always does. And in my heart, I was just like … kind of … you know … really kind of sad. Because I didn't want anything. I didn't want a watch or I didn't want a coat or I didn't want a ring or I didn't want something like that. And yet, what I really did want was something that I couldn't ask Guru Maharaj Ji. Because it was too deep. And yet I felt I was even too far away from it to even ask him.
And so, as that day approached, Guru Maharaj Ji would say, "What do you want?" And I'd just smile and I wouldn't say anything. Because I knew he knew. I knew he knew what I wanted and I knew he knew that I couldn't say anything to him. And so finally one night it was just very point blank. "What do you want?"
And I couldn't say anything. "Oh, Maharaj Ji! You know what I want. And yet I feel so far away." I can't come out and say, "Guru Maharaj Ji, I want devotion." I just couldn't come out and say that. He just looked at me. He said, "Well, you know, I guess it'd be really easy to say I want the mind kicked out completely."
And when he said that I just felt like, "Oh yes! That's what I want! That's what I really want, Guru Maharaj Ji!" And I didn't say anything. He said, "Well, you know, I guess even some devotees have said, 'O Guru Maharaj Ji, give me devotion.' But before you can have devotion, you have to have faith in Guru Maharaj Ji. Because without faith in Guru Maharaj Ji, you'll never have devotion. How can you have devotion if you can't even have faith in Guru Maharaj Ji?"
He just looked at me so - I don't know, you know - so beautifully. He just said, "You know, everybody believes in themselves. Everybody believes in themselves. If you could just believe in Guru Maharaj Ji like you believe in yourself."
It's true. I believe in myself. I do. I can't say I have very much faith in myself but I do believe in myself. And I know all of us here believe in ourselves. Maybe we don't have much faith in ourselves, because Guru Maharaj Ji's showing us that he's the only one to have faith in. But still, we believe in ourselves. But if we could just believe in Guru Maharaj Ji like we believe in ourselves … if we could just somehow let that faith manifest. Because it's there. It's there.
I feel Guru Maharaj Ji is doing more than any magician. The greatest magician. But what I feel Guru Maharaj Ji's doing for me is that - I have to compare it maybe to like a piece of fruit. I was born a little piece of fruit and was very green and got riper and riper. And then I started to spoil and bruise from this world. Bruised and spoiled, and even starting to spoil to the point of rotting. "Spoiled rotten." And that's what I feel we are. We're "spoiled rotten."
And Guru Maharaj Ji comes. He does the most incredible thing. He takes that piece of fruit that's "spoiled rotten" and puts new life into it and makes it new again, makes it fresh again. If that isn't the most incredible thing. Only he's not doing it with a piece of fruit. He's doing it with us, inside. Not our bodies. Inside.
Because we've all become very spoiled. We have. I can definitely look at myself and say, "Maharaj Ji, I'm the most spoiled. And I can't say you've spoiled me. I've spoiled me. I've allowed myself
to spoil. And yet I see that you are doing something if only I'll let you. If only I can let you put yourself in me, because you are pure, you are perfect, you are new, you are fresh, you are the life that's going to take me from the state I'm in and make me pure again. New again. Fresh again, like you want me. Only, I get to watch you do it. I get to witness this thing happen."
And each one of us does. But the thing is, we have to let Guru Maharaj Ji do it. We have to want Guru Maharaj Ji to do it. If we want to be our own rotting selves, then we will be. We will. And that's the way we'll end up. In the grave. It's happened to so many people. And there's nothing that guarantees us from that. Only Guru Maharaj Ji. Only Guru Maharaj Ji can do this. Only Guru Maharaj Ji can save us.
I feel he wants to, more than we have any idea. I feel like we're keeping Guru Maharaj Ji waiting too long. Why do we always keep Guru Maharaj Ji waiting? We had him waiting for this stage to be done. We had him waiting for the backstage. We had him waiting for the darshan stage … why? He wanted it done at a certain time and if he gave that certain time there's no reason in this world why it couldn't be done. But is it the same premies over and over again? Is it always the same premies who stay up all night long? Why? Where's that dedication to Guru Maharaj Ji that we profess to have?
You know what really gets me? When Guru Maharaj Ji comes out, we all go, "Bhole Shri Satgurudev Maharaj Ki Jai!"
That's what gets me. Because I sincerely believe it's not sincere. It's not really true. It's a big show. How loud can we cheer? Like we're a bunch of people at a football game, or something, and we like to hear our own selves?
And here's Maharaj Ji starting to give satsang and there's premies still yelling,
"Bhole Shri Satgurudev Maharaj Ki Jai." And even before Maharaj Ji finishes his satsang, he says, "So premies, I just want to say -"
"Bhole Shri Satgurudev Maharaj Ki Jai!" He's not even finished!
I heard that on a tape at the residence and I said, "God, Maharaj Ji's not even finished." And one of the premies there said, "Yeah, it happens all the time. It happens all the time."
Where are we? What … I don't know. It's beautiful to say "Bhole Shri Satgurudev Maharaj Ki Jai." It is. From our hearts. Not like a football game that we just want to hear ourselves. Who can start it first? Who's going to be the first one to lead it? Is that one going to be the biggest one? Who's going to be the last one to do it?
I don't know, you know. I just feel that Guru Maharaj Ji can really manifest through us if we would be quiet for a change and stop listening to our mind telling us how to do everything. Telling us how to walk this path. It's not this mind's path. This mind has nothing to do with it. And that's just the thing. It's Guru Maharaj Ji's path and Guru Maharaj Ji's the only one that has anything to do with it. And he's allowing us to walk it. It's his path. He's allowing us to walk it. But not with our minds. Not with our egos.
The other night Guru Maharaj Ji said, "There's nothing that gets me more than a premie with ego. I can't stand to see a premie with his ego, just feeding his ego. He's got to be feeding his ego every five minutes." And I don't know. Maharaj Ji wasn't directly speaking about me. He was maybe referring to someone else but I knew that he was talking to me. Just like if you're hearing it, it's for you. Because we all feed our egos. Why? I mean, to me that's so sickening. Why should we feed our egos?
And then we leave Guru Maharaj Ji just there. We go off and feed that fat ego and leave Guru Maharaj Ji. And then we come back and "0 my Guru Maharaj Ji, I love you so much. Please, Guru Maharaj Ji. Don't let me do that." And then we turn around and do it again.
But I really feel that Guru Maharaj Ji is giving the Grace to take us out of it, that this doesn't have to be the way it has to continue. Guru Maharaj Ji doesn't have to wait. He doesn't have to wait. But he does. For us.
We think we're just doing so great. And look at this world. We build a stage and we think, "Isn't it beautiful?" Or we make something for Maharaj Ji and we say, "Isn't it wonderful?" And Guru Maharaj Ji sees all the imperfections. And I know I don't. Something will come for Maharaj Ji. And I'll say, "Oh, isn't this beautiful, Maharaj Ji?" But Maharaj Ji knows what went into making it. And he'll just say, "Oh, they could have done a lot better than this." He knows.
And that day that we were waiting and waiting and waiting for darshan to happen, Maharaj Ji looked out of his little trailer window. He was going, "Look at everybody just standing around." Here it was already two hours late and it was like another hour to go. And Maharaj Ji wanted to start darshan. He said, "Look at everybody standing. Just standing in the name of service."
"Oh, I can't do that. I'm doing my service." And he was waiting. And I felt that we all think we're doing so great. But look at this world. Is this world dying for Guru Maharaj Ji? But we're not together enough for Maharaj Ji to really manifest in this world. Because we're not ready. We're holding him back. He's having to wait for us. For each one of us.
One time in Malibu, Maharaj Ji said, "If I just had a handful, if I just had a handful of premies who were really dedicated, who really had faith in me, I could spread this Knowledge. I could spread this Knowledge so fast. If I just had a
You know, I feel like we're wasting time. Wasting time. And it's not our time to waste. We waste it like crazy. Every second that we spend that's not in Holy Name is wasted and we'll never get it back. Never. And we know that. And we know that feeling of wasting time. Can't stand to waste time. And that's why we're so jumpy and that's why we're so edgy.
But when we are really immersed in Holy Name, when we are really experiencing service, when we are really experiencing satsang, when we are really experiencing meditation, we know we're not wasting time. It's perfect. It's perfect.
We cannot allow ourselves to waste this precious time that Guru Maharaj Ji's given us as if it were our own to waste. I know every one of us has had that feeling, "If I only knew then what I know now …..Something happens. "Ah, if I only knew then what I know now …"
I don't know. Do a lot of people feel that at their last moment of life on this Earth?"Wow, if I only knew then, when I had this life, what I know now." And you can't go back. An accident happens, or what seems to be an accident. Someone gets killed. Someone gets hurt. "Oh, if we only knew then what we know now, we could have prevented it."
But we know. We know what we have to do. And it's not a matter of, "Oh, it's so terrible to do." It's so beautiful to do. Could there be anything more beautiful than Guru Maharaj Ji? Could there be anything more beautiful than that surrender? Than faith? Than that love? Than the experience of satsang, service, meditation and his darshan?
To me, I feel like satsang, service, meditation only allows me the experience of darshan. What is it to have Guru Maharaj Ji here and not experience darshan? Darshan means the physical presence of Guru Maharaj Ji but there's also an experience behind it. Because people in this world can be physically present in front of Guru Maharaj Ji and experience nothing. Because they're so
involved in their own selves that they don't see the Lord. They don't recognize the Lord. They don't see his perfection. They don't know who he is. Because they're self-centered.
But that's the same thing with us. That's it. To be in this world and experience Guru Maharaj Ji! That's it! And there's nothing beyond that. I mean, that's it. Guru Maharaj Ji is it! And we all know that. When we can really have that experience, it's just like, "O Guru Maharaj Ji. It's you. It's you. It's always been you. It's always going to be you. It's you right now. It's always you. Please, Guru Maharaj Ji. Don't let me get so deluded in the things I think I have to do, in the things I think I have to pursue. There's nothing for me to do but know you, love you, surrender to you."
That Grace is there. The Grace - the Grace has been given. I feel Guru Maharaj Ji is just so ready. And it's not fair to keep him waiting anymore. It's just not fair. I've seen Guru Maharaj Ji when he's standing behind the stage ready to go and some song keeps going on and going on. I feel like, "Hurry up! Hurry up! Get this song over with! Hurry! Maharaj Ji's ready! Maharaj Ji's ready!" He starts to take a step and then they start back up again and it's just like, "Oh, please hurry. We can't keep him waiting anymore."
And then he comes and he's there. And he's here. And it's the same way. We can't keep Guru Maharaj Ji waiting any more within inside of us. "Please Guru Maharaj Ji. Please let me shut up. Please let me just stop and listen to you, hear you." Because we have to be really, really quiet to hear Guru Maharaj Ji. There's no other way. We have to turn that radio of the mind off and then we hear Guru Maharaj Ji. And then we don't want to hear anything else.
It's time for all of us to really wake up. Wake up! He's here. We're still so sleepy. But we can really ask Guru Maharaj Ji,
"Please Guru Maharaj Ji, wake me up. I want to be here with you. Because it's no good to be here and not be here with you. It's just no good. That is hell. I've had enough of hell. I don't want hell." This world is like hell. Where is hell, if it's not here?
You drive down the streets of New York … we were driving down the streets of London and I saw so much pain and so much suffering and so much confusion and so much misery, that there was no doubt that we were driving through the center of hell. And I was in the bubble of Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace. In a motor home. I was watching the whole thing. And I saw, "Oh Maharaj Ji, these people need you so badly. They don't have any idea you're here. They are in hell. Burning inside. That mind is eating them up alive. And you are here. Please, Guru Maharaj Ji, don't let me hold you back, because you've got to spend so much time and attention on me. Because if you didn't I'd freak out."
I feel Guru Maharaj Ji has to handle us with kid gloves. Like we were some kind of fragile piece of crystal. And he has to be so gentle and so careful with us, that if he doesn't we'll break. But it doesn't have to be that way. "Guru Maharaj Ji, please. Please handle us the way you want to. Do anything. But let us allow you to do that without freaking out."
"Why is Guru Maharaj Ji doing this? Why is that happening?"
No! "Please, Guru Maharaj Ji. Let me surrender. Whatever you want to happen." Because if that surrender can happen, no matter what's happening, it's perfect. If it's surrender, it's perfect. It's beautiful.
And yet Guru Maharaj Ji has said this is also heaven. Guru Maharaj Ji takes us beyond heaven. And that presence of Guru Maharaj Ji's love - it is beyond heaven.
I know that it's Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace that all of us are here. And so what more do we need to know? That we are here, that we are attending, listening, experiencing satsang, is only by the Grace of Guru Maharaj Ji. It is his gift to us. It's something we could never thank him for. But he's giving it.
So, thank you, Guru Maharaj Ji, for allowing me this opportunity.