Durga Ji in Denver

Durga Ji aka Marolyn RawatDurga Ji's satsang in Denver, Colorado September 3, 1977

It's nice to see all of you. And it's really wonderful just to be sharing satsang, you know. Just sitting back in the room there, just listening to satsang, it's just - it's so beautiful for me, you know. It's so beautiful for all of us.

There's pictures in the room there, and they're really beautiful pictures of Guru Maharaj Ji, you know. And sometimes, for me, I don't know if you'd understand this, but sometimes, I almost have to leave Guru Maharaj Ji's physical presence to really just like - you know? Then it becomes like, "Oh, my God! This is really just too much."

Because it seems like, for me, when I'm with Maharaj Ji it's like, I just feel like, maybe like a little child, and I just get completely lost in Guru Maharaj Ji, you know? And then when I leave and I know he's at home, or I go out somewhere and we're just separated physically, it's like it really hits me, you know. Just the magnificence and the power of Guru Maharaj Ji.

Not that we can't experience that with Guru Maharaj Ji. We can. But it's just like, for me, when it's right under my own nose I can't really experience it like when I'm just separated just a tiny bit. Then I just look at, you know, like a picture of Guru Maharaj Ji, and it's just like, "Oh. He's so beautiful." But he's so beautiful all the time. It's like, Guru Maharaj Ji doesn't change, I change. It's my awareness of Guru Maharaj Ji. And what I pray in my heart is that someday, maybe today, that I will be able to look at Guru Maharaj Ji and experience Guru Maharaj Ji fully, as much as I can experience Guru Maharaj Ji, all the time. Because I experience Guru Maharaj Ji so much sometimes, and then, I don't know, slowly, slowly, I'm -like, "Oh, I have to do this." Or, "Hansie needs this, or Prem …," you know. And I just get involved, and before I know it, I feel a lack in my experience of Guru Maharaj Ji, and I have to, like Dr. Ed said, struggle to get back, just to be really, really connected with Guru Maharaj Ji.

And yet I know we don't have to leave that experience, you know? It's not something that we have to go up and down, up and down, up and down. It's something that definitely we can experience all the time.

There was a picture in there especially that really got me. It's a picture of Maharaj Ji when he has the turban on. And he looks like he must be about eight, seven or eight, and he's giving satsang, you can see the microphone, but he has his eyes closed, and he looks very young, he just - oh! I just go, "That's the same Guru Maharaj Ji?" Is that really - and I know it is, but Maharaj Ji just, you know, he's so - I don't know, you know. How can you even describe Guru Maharaj JP It's impossible.

Just - as our experience inside. Can we really describe it to anyone? In the same way, how can we describe Guru Maharaj Ji physically? He's just - you know, he's too much, because he's both at the same time.

Last night, Guru Maharaj Ji gave satsang. And I was in the bedroom with Hansie, so I didn't get to hear it. But the premies this morning said it was just too much. Sometimes Maharaj Ji just opens that door to himself so fully and allows us to come to him in such a way that it's just like, it's just overwhelming.

And the other night I just looked at Guru Maharaj Feet, and there they were, you know. And to me - I mean, all of a sudden - I know Guru Maharaj Ji's Lotus Feet are the most beautiful thing in this world, but I was just looking at his Feet and I just went, "Oh, my God!" And I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't take my eyes off his Feet. And it's like, if you go to, maybe, people of the world and just try to tell them, "Well, Guru Maharaj Ji has the most beautiful Feet," it just won't make sense. But to premies …

You know, it's like, I am so blissed out looking at Guru Maharaj Ji's Feet. And yet, to each one of us, we know how beautiful those Lotus Feet are, because he gives them to us to hang on to, you know. And that's like the gateway to his heart: his Feet. And they're so beautiful. They're so perfect. They're so lovely. Physically, even. I mean, they're just so beautiful.

And so, you know, he was just sitting there, and they were on the carpet, so I went and I got a small pillow, and I put the pillow there, and I put his Feet on the pillow. And then, in a little while, you know, I was looking around or something, and I looked back, and his Feet were under the pillow. And I just didn't really know what to even think. It's like - oh! Who am I to even take his Feet and put them like that, you know? It's like, he's so precious. He's so, he's so wonderful, and yet he's so, he's so giving of himself to us, you know.

At a program, you know, when we have darshan, I just - he opens himself completely and lets each one of us come and touch him, and kiss his Lotus Feet. And it's like, after the darshan of like, you know, six, seven, eight hours or whatever, Maharaj Ji's completely exhausted. And he just goes, "You just don't know what that's like." And everyone goes, "Maharaj Ji, I guess we could never know!" And he goes, "It's so beautiful, and yet …" and then he just doesn't say anything. And it's like - what must it be like? He's just giving so much all the time. And yet, you know, it's just his Grace that we are able to accept it.

And sometimes I feel like, "Oh, it's just too beautiful. Maharaj Ji, you've just given me too much. I can't take any more." And yet, we know we can take more, because he will always give us more. And it's like, he expands us to our breaking point without breaking us. He like stretches us without ripping or tearing us, so gently and so - yet so powerfully he opens us, you know. And we just feel like, "Oh, I can't take any more; this is just too much. It's just too beautiful. It's just too much, Maharaj Ji." And yet it's like isn't that what we want more than anything else in the world? Wouldn't we just like - isn't that what we're living for? To be opened?

I don't know what a rose feels like when the sun just beats down on it, you know, and it slowly opens, but isn't that, isn't that what's happening to us? And Maharaj Ji lets us-experience that. That opening and opening. Opening up to him.

And last night the premies said that - they were talking to me this morning. I got to just get a little bit of what Maharaj Ji was giving satsang about. But he said that, "You know, there's Knowledge. And like, on one side of Knowledge there's Grace, and on the other side of Knowledge there's surrender. And you have Grace and surrender. And if those two are together, if you have Grace and Knowledge, you will have surrender. If you have surrender and Knowledge, you will have Grace. Because they go together. You can't have surrender without Grace, and you can't have Grace without surrender."

It's like, even though this was while I was eating breakfast, you know, and a few premies were just saying it, it was just too much, you know. It's just like, I just like walked out of the room like in a daze, you know. And of course there was no tape recorder or anything like this. But, it's so true.

What is that Grace? How do you try and explain what Grace is? I was speaking to a couple of non-premies, and they were asking, you know, about Knowledge and about Grace. And they said, "Well, what is Grace?" And to try and explain to someone what Grace is was very difficult, you know. And I just said, "Well, it's just, it's just kind of beyond what I can tell you. And yet, it's just, it's just such a gift; that Grace." Maharaj Ji knew these two people, and I came to him and I said, "Maharaj Ji, she wants to know what Grace is?" And he just said, "Well, tell her she's experienced it twice." And she knew exactly what it was, you know! And I came back and told her, you know.

And it's like, that's the only thing that makes sense, because how could I ever try and explain that to someone? And that evening, I'll tell you, I felt so fortunate. Because it's like, we are not just people of the world. We're so much more, you know. I - that's not the right word, but we're premies of Guru Maharaj Ji. (Premlata starts crying)

And you know, sometimes Premlata and I just have a little satsang together. Instead of reading a fairy tale or some kind of a poem, you know, I feel like it's nice to have a little satsang, on a level that maybe she can understand. And sometimes we just talk about people. She'll go, "Oh, they're a premie. And they're not a premie." Or we ride in a car, you know, and she'll go, "They're not premies." And I'll go, "Yeah, I know." And so we'll just talk about premies and non-premies, and just like explain the way that people become premies. and you know, she'll say, "Hansie's a baby premie." And I say, "Yeah, that's right." She says, "I'm a baby premie." I go, "Yeah." And I just find it so rewarding to even have satsang with a two-year old. Because sometimes she gets really blissed out! And I always do, because it's just something she can understand, you know. Children are so, they're just there. And, sometimes we can really be right with them, and sometimes we're not, you know. l's like always - we're the ones who kind-of go in and out, in and out, in and out. But it's very possible to have satsang with our children, even at a very young age, you know.

Sometimes Maharaj Ji looks at some of these books that we have around the house; and sometimes they're sent, sometimes we buy them. And he just goes, "These are stupid." You know, "These are really ridiculous. What is this?" And I have to agree. Sometimes there's some really nice books that you can really show a child, you know, and kind-of let them understand the essence of the satsang behind it. But there's nothing just like our own experience, in speaking with them.

(Premlata starts crying louder) She's upset now. I knew it was a mistake to have her come out and see.

It's so funny, because children are so close to us that sometimes she thinks - she told me, "I don't want you giving satsang." And I said, "Why not?" And she couldn't answer my question, but I knew it was because she felt like it was her. You know what I mean? Just like - so close. She didn't want me to go water-skiing in Florida, because she was scared. And she couldn't relate to me going, because it was almost like she had to. And we got a slide in Malibu; she didn't want me to go off the slide into the water, because it was almost like it was her having to do it. And the same with satsang, you know. It's like, everybody else can; Peter Lee can, Judy can; "but I don't want you to." It's like a little bit too much, you know. So we have to work on that.

But it's really beautiful, because it's really wonderful to just talk about Guru Maharaj Ji to our children. Because they are his children, you know? And that's like our responsibility. Our service is to just be clear enough to be a channel of that love of Guru Maharaj Ji within us coming to our children, because they - there's no kidding them, there's no fooling them, you know.

And I just feel like, I know Maharaj Ji's given me just everything. I couldn't really ask for anything more. And yet, I always find myself asking, "Please, Guru Maharaj Ji, can I just love you a little bit more? Can I just love you more? That's all I really want."

And Maharaj Ji talked about desire at the last festival, you know, but, when we really boil down to it, I just feel like, I always want the desire to love Guru Maharaj Ji. Just be at his Feet. And yet it's something that I can't really do. Because it's by his Grace that I'm at his Feet. It's by his Grace that we're at his Feet. And surrender is the most beautiful thing that can ever happen to us in our life. Because it's not something like, "Well, aren't I good, 'cause I surrendered?" You know.

Maybe, I think, in the beginning, maybe we thought that: "Well, isn't this wonderful, I'm really surrendering," you know. But, it's just not that way at all. It's just - it's just so beautiful that Guru Maharj Ji allows us to surrender and come to him, and be with him, and just see for a tiniest bit how precious he is. Because I'll tell you, even when I feel like, "This is just like, to incredible, it's too much," I feel like, "Boy, but isn't this just the tiniest bit, you know?" Because it is infinite! It's everything and yet it's nothing at the same time. It's like - what I call devotion is the greatest gift Maharaj Ji's ever given me, and yet I feel like I'm still so, still so narrow in it, you know. I just need to really just open up, and really experience devotion.

Because I look at Guru Maharaj Ji, and I just feel, that's devotion. Guru Maharaj Ji is devotion. Guru Maharaj Ji is surrender. Guru Maharaj Ji is Grace.

And like Dr. Ed was saying, that devotion is so attractive. It is attractive. It's so attractive, and that's why Guru Maharaj Ji's so attractive. Because he is. He is devotion. He is surrender. He is Grace. And he's moving, you know.

Sometimes I feel like there are jewelers in the world, and they go out - like different people go out and do their trips. And men who are into jewels and gems, they're really into it. Because they're looking for something perfect. And say they find a really magnificent ruby or emerald that's completely flawless. And they gaze into it. And they're so attracted to it. And that's all they want to look at, you know, and they all come around. And it's just like - to them it's very powerful because it's a sign of perfection that's just flawless, and its just magnificent. And, you know, they're really into it.

But I feel like, "Gee, look at Guru Maharaj Ji! That emerald, that gigantic, flawless, beautiful emerald, is just a tiny reflection of Guru Maharaj Ji. It's just one of his little creations in the world." And yes, by our standards in the physical world it may seem perfect, but it definitely had a beginning, and it'll have an end. But isn't that power that is so perfect, isn't it so perfect that it manifests itself into a living, breathing, loving, all-attractive Lord, you know? That we can, that we can gaze into, and experience that perfection in person, in motion, in life.

Prem Rawat aka Guru Maharaj Ji and daughter Because isn't man the crown of the creation? As we've heard so many times. Isn't he - I mean, maybe man will even be able to simulate a diamond or a precious stone, but he can never make another human being. Never. He can never put that life force.

And so, because Guru Maharaj Ji has made us so perfectly, and so beautifully, just the way he wanted us. And gave us that most precious gift, gave mankind something that, I think, we're so asleep to in this world, you know. That we have consciousness. That we have realization. That we have awareness. And to use that in the right way.

Because people - everyone has a consciousness and an awareness, but it's like asleep almost, you know, because they're pursuing so many different things in this world. And by Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace, he's allowed us to pursue him. Because he is the destination. He is our destiny and our destination. He is the process and he is the goal.

And you know, we can never thank Guru Maharaj Ji enough, of course. But it feels so wonderful to thank him, because really, if someone gives you something so magnificent you just go, "Thank you, thank you, thank you," even though you're not thanking enough - but still they want - they want to be thanked, too! You know?

If I gave Premlata something really beautiful, you know, it's not that I'm doing it to be thanked, but when she thanks me or She shows her love, that's what I want. That love returned. And that's what Guru Maharaj Ji wants. Because he's made it that way, you know, that he gives us his most beautiful love, so that we can give it back to him. Because it is perfect love, and that's what he wants; that's what he's hungry for. And it doesn't matter what we look like, and it doesn't matter how old we are, and it doesn't matter where we're from; we can all give him what he wants most of all. We can give him back himself, you know, through us. It's just so perfect.

Sometimes, I just look at Guru Maharaj Ji and I go, "Man he's so classy!" Raja Ji and Maharaj Ji are so beautiful together, you know. Today Raja Ji left to go to New York, because the premies there are having a retreat, and there's going to be about 3,000 premies I think. And he's going to fly there and take a chopper there. And he was all excited, you know. He just -he's really wonderful. He goes, "I just want to go first class. Everything just right." And Maharaj Ji just arranged everything so beautifully for him, you know. Really perfectly. And it's like, he always wants Maharaj Ji to just look beautiful, and have the finest things - which we all do. And it's like, Guru Maharaj Ji does too, but that isn't his goal. You know, it's not like, "Oh, I have to have these shoes, and … " It's just like, that's our opportunity, you know. And when I see Maharaj Ji - by his Grace that we've been allowed to maybe get him a really beautiful pair of shoes and a beautiful suit and a nice watch, and he just looks so magnificent, I just feel like, "Oh man!"

Non-premies, they just don't understand. They just don't understand. Because you tell a non-premie, like my mother, for example, how beautiful Maharaj Ji is, she goes, "Come on!" You know, like, "He doesn't look like Gregory Peck," or something. And it's just so funny to see their face, because it's just like man, by Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace, I'm so lucky, because I see him as the most beautiful human being. Because he is. It's a concept that comes through and says, "Oh. Well, he's not six feet two, and he doesn't da da-da dada," you know. And it's so beautiful to just look at him and just melt.

And so, to me, we just have to really remember. Every morning when we wake up, wake up like our children do, you know. Really happy, really so glad to be alive. Like birds, you know, just singing. Instead of like, "Oh, God! Oh! Another day. Oh, God!" You know. And you say, "What's going to happen today that I can get cheered up about?" Or whatever. It's just like, we really have - we have it, you know. We really have Guru Maharaj Ji. And so we have to remember, and be aware, and be conscious of what Guru Maharaj Ji's giving us all the time. And then we do. We are singing like the birds. We are being the way that Maharaj Ji wants us to be, the way he wants us to feel. and that's full, that's satisfied, that's happy, with him being our Lord. And we being his devotee by his Grace.

So I think I should probably go and see how Premlata's doing. But I'd just like to thank you for inviting me, and I sometimes I feel like I just want to share satsang so badly with all the parents, because I feel like it's just so beautiful to share satsang with parents, because it's really a wonderful service, you know. It takes our everything, and yet we get everything in return. It's very, very wonderful that Guru Maharaj Ji's graced us with our children and we should just give our everything - by practicing Knowledge, you know, in return.

Thank you.

Bhole Shri Satguru Dev Maharaj Ki Jai!

"Oh my God …"