My poor disintegrated mind was carried out of Guru Puja in several assorted boxes, having been smashed into a million pieces by our creator, and the power of his love. I'd hoped to go away somewhere quiet where I could lay the bits out on the floor and start to glue them back together again, but this was not to be. Much against my will the boxes were carried around to the Marriott Hotel where, in the basement, they were taken up to a desk, asked to pay $15, handed a little buff card with the Shri Hans Educational mandala and the name of the ego due for further demolition written on it.
The temperature outside was hitting 105° and the nearest ice cream parlour was so far away that anyone heading for it would be vulture meat before they got halfway. It's a rigged roulette table. Satsang, service and meditation are surrounded by a thin barbed-wire fence, behind which signs have been hammered into the ground with skulls and crossbones on, and "ACHTUNG MEINEN" painted on. There are craters and bleached bones around to prove its no joke.
Walls were scrubbed, windows washed, carpets unrolled, furniture moved, toys arranged, food purchased, by the love of his children, in a futile attempt to make
THIS MAILGRAM IS A CONFIRMATION COPY OF THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE :
3038617316 MGM TDMT DENVER CO 113 07-28 0416P EST
GURU MAHARAJ JI
MALIBU CA 90265
PRANAM GURU MAHARAJ JI
WE JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH WE LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FROM THE DEEPEST PLACE WITHIN US. WE HAVE 1 MORE DAY OF OUR TEACHERS CONFERENCE AND OUR HEARTS LONG FOR YOUR PRESENCE. IF YOU SHOULD WILL TO COME WE HAVE A WAITING ROOM PREPARED FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. THE SCHEDULE FOR SATURDAY JULY 29 IS SATSANG UNTIL LUNCH AT 17TH AND EMERSON, SEMINARS AND SATSANG IN THE AFTERNOON AT 1225 EMERSON THEN WE RETURN TO 17TH AND EMERSON FOR DINNER AND THE FINAL SATSANG SATURDAY NIGHT SO IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO COME AND CLAIM WHAT IS YOURS PLEASE PLEASE DO
a dark little corner of this earth fit for his precious feet to walk on. We can only do our best, and pray that he snaps us, so his grace can flow through.
Meanwhile in the satsang room, sawdust was thrown on the floor, the boxes were emptied out, the seconds left the ring, the bell rang and the next round began. The river of satsang began to flow and wash away everything in its path. Loud satsang, soft satsang, long satsang, short satsang, heavy satsang, light satsang, initiator satsang and unknown premie satsang, funny satsang, rambling satsang, satsang that made you cry and satsang that made you squirm. The little pieces of mind were ground into dust and I watched in horror as they were carried away in the river of truth.
"Guru Maharaj Ji, don't pour all that truth down my rat-hole. You're flooding the place, all my furniture is being washed away. It cost me a lot of money. Tell those initiators to point the hose somewhere else, they're ruining my carpet. I don't mind coming out of my hole once in a while, but this wasn't in the contract. Sure you can have my life, but not my rat-hole too. Hey, the water's nearly up to my neck, no more satsang, Arrgh, no, glug glug glug glug!"
The river became so strong that the mind split. He pretended to be drowned but actually he can hold his breath for a very long time, and I think he just disappeared down some dark drain.
Love sent us his chair over to let us know that, at the same time he was inhabiting those in front of the mike, his precious human form was caring for us too. How could I ever explain to my mother, that someone who has been revealed the source of peace within, who is leaving this world behind and places no value on material objects, could be made so happy by seeing a simple cream-coloured office chair. Little would she know that that chair was, according to Saint Kabir, the throne of one to whom we should bow down even before we bow to God Himself.
The final evening he sent Bill Patterson 'round to flush out any die-hard snipers from the ruins and fuse our souls to his feet with his waterfall of love. Then we saw slides of the master puppeteer himself, puller of the string that tows the sun through the sky, makes us move and spins the atoms; the master engineer, who has flicked the universe into "automatic" and is putting all attention on a bunch of insane dung-beetles gathered in the basement of the Marriott Hotel Tucson, watching their plastic arti trays ignite in front of them.
The morning after saw a lobby full of premies sticking their fingers back into the fire to see if it still burned, trying to sort out how to get twelve premies and six babies in a VW beetle and a Chevy drive-away, or counting and recounting their dollars to see if they'd have enough money for souvenirs for the folks in Sydney after taking the plane. Yes - it still burned, so we settled into satsang, interspersed with the odd twitch of mistrust, jerk of panic, and bolt for the telephone.
By His Grace, most of the motley crew descended on, and were absorbed into the Denver community, to take their seats in the old community centre for the premier and final showing of "Son of the Teacher's Conference."
The daily diet was meditation, satsang, seminars relating to a particular age group, a delicious love-filled meal, seminars relating to a subject, more sat-sang, home for tea, and more satsang. Highlights of the seminars for me were the dramatic performances - the story of how some prince got a princess into bed by getting dressed up as a frog and hiding down a well, followed by the fertility dance of the "doo fairies," and climaxing with the story of how a couple of vikings ripped off some dumb giant by getting dressed up in drag.
Satsang attacked full-force in the morning, afternoon and evening, and made many surprise skirmishes and ambushes throughout the day. Initiators Mike Donner, Brian McDermott, and Jean-Philippe were flown over and exploded million megaton bombs in our midst, straight from our father. The remains were scraped from the walls, placed in vacuum flasks and driven to Unity School for the afternoon session.
It was lovely to see the tiny head of the Unity School butterfly starting to peep out from its crusty old chrysalis. The mention of "spiritual truths" in one seminar caused me to bolt for the door, yank Richard from the foyer and plead for some satsang - whereupon I was reminded I was just a dumb, stupid premie, totally dependent on the Grace of Guru Maharaj Ji. All I had to do was breathe, listen, do and trust, and by His Grace I would understand the only spiritual truth I-U ever need to know. The source of life, love and peace within me, flows by His Grace, from His Feet. He is our everything, and walking this earth.
Pranam Guru Maharaj Ji
Jai Sat Chit Anand Anth Ginn
We always hear, "Satsang is the most beautiful experience, service is the most beautiful experience, meditation is the most beautiful experience." It's more beautiful than anything that this world can offer. But we really need help. Otherwise we can't listen to satsang. We can think, "I'm perfectly clear, perfectly O.K. I want satsang the way I am. I'm fine the way I am." Yet Maharaj Ji was saying, if this is an infinite experience, we're never fine. We'll always need help. And then everyone shouted "HELP!" He said, "I'm here to help you. What can a helper do unless there are people who need help?"
Do you think that's an introductory satsang he's giving? Probably it is. How far removed are we from the "public?" The "public" is the mind. We always talk about Guru Maharaj Ji's world and the "world's world." The world's world is mind, is based on mind. All the premises of mind are the truths of that world. They are inviolable. They are accepted as facts! Yet the Truth - not "truths" but Truth - of Guru Maharaj Ji's world is in complete opposition to those "truths" of the world's world, of the mind. The premises on which the mind stands are "that I am Arthur," the complete lack of concentration, the complete lapse of attention that takes place inside of us.
Maharaj Ji said once that you can't surrender the things of this world because they don't belong to you anyway. The only thing that you can surrender is something which doesn't strictly belong to you, but which you are responsible for. That is your own life. We have to surrender this life to Guru Maharaj Ji. He lays the path out in front of us. It isn't like you are surrendering to a concept. It isn't like you are surrendering to something which doesn't exist. He is laying the red carpet out.
When Guru Maharaj Ji started speaking, it pulled me right in. In a sense, I was experiencing my true self. And it was impersonal. It didn't have a name. It didn't have anything to do with books. It didn't have anything to do with the syllalbes "ar-thur." It's definitely not "ar-thur." As soon as Maharaj Ji said those words, as soon as he started intimating towards me as a personality, then I experienced how much I am completely confused, how much I relate to my thoughts. Holy name is nothing unique to any one of us. It's something common, universal.
All this heart longs for is to dedicate to Guru Maharaj Ji. He brings us to that point where we don't want anything to pull our attention away from Guru Maharaj Ji.
There are so many things in this world, and there are so many things in our premie world. As an initiator, I experience this more than ever. A lot of people see initiators as living in a little cocoon. It's a premie cocoon, but that doesn't mean that there's no mind. This premie world is so filled with us, and we have mind!
We come in as we are. We know what we are, we know how distractable we are. It can be so incredible, or it can be so crazy. Because this mind goes with us. We find ourselves picking and choosing and preferring. I know we have no room for preference when we surrender our lives to Guru Maharaj Ji. It comes down to such little details in our every day life of, "Well, I'd rather… Well, later…
Well, maybe next week when I get time." But there's no room for that. This is called surrender. This is called letting go totally to Guru Maharaj Ji, total surrender, that third step.
We've done the first one. We're asking the question, "What is the purpose of my life?" We open ourselves that much. And then we take the second step. We receive Knowledge, and hopefully we're really dedicating to it, really experiencing it.
And then the third step - realizing that Guru Maharaj Ji has come to us for a reason, so that we can fulfill the purpose of this life, and be a part of Guru Maharaj Ji on this earth. He's not picking and choosing, because we're all human beings. We've all been given this breath right now for only one reason, not to enjoy this creation, but so that we can surrender this moment to Guru Maharaj Ji, and not surrender this moment to our mind.
All I want to be, Guru Maharaj Ji, is little Premlata. He just laughs. He laughs at her freedom, that he's given her. I've been able to watch sometime during darshan, and sometimes Guru Maharaj Ji laughs. I'm not looking at what's going by, so I don't know what he's laughing at. But I have the sense that Guru Maharaj Ji is so in joy from looking at what he's given his premies, and that they've actually accepted it a little bit. They've actually dared to love him, dared to let go to him, dared to accept the shower of his joy.
If I have to figure out what my destiny is, I don't know the purpose of this life. I can create a huge concept by thinking in terms of an end result. Every moment in Holy Name is the destiny. That place is completely perfect, completely infinite. When Guru Maharaj Ji takes this life, he has to direct it. He makes each moment clear.
Guru Maharaj Ji has to bring us to the point where we realize that we don't know anything. Everything we know doesn't mean anything. It's not that we don't know anything, but rather the very fact that there is an "us" thinking that we know something. How can we merge with Guru Maharaj Ji and still be holding on to a separate identity?
But what can you do to be nothing? To me, you can't do anything because Guru Maharaj Ji has got to take you. Guru Maharaj Ji has given us the opportunity to dissolve everything that we think we are, all duality. Look at our human body. That in itself is a circumstance that we didn't control. Even being put here with this life has already been given. It's manifesting. Given all that, which is a complete miracle in itself, where do we go? Then "we" come in and try to do something, when it's already happening. That's the delusion.
What a dilemma we're in. On the one hand, you have to make effort. Yet that effort can't be made without Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace. Guru Maharaj Ji once told one of his initiators, "You've got to have absolute, complete, and total faith in Guru Maharaj Ji." He talked about complete faith in Guru Maharaj Ji for 15 mintues. Then at the end he said, "But just be sure of one thing. Don't ever think you have complete faith in Guru Maharaj Ji." Another time, he was talking about our need to be completely surrendered to Guru Maharaj Ji. But then he said, "Don't ever think you're totally surrendered." It would take lifetimes of surrender to even have a taste of what surrender is, let alone living a life of surrender.
He puts you in the middle of nowhere, where you can't be sure of anything. He puts us right in the moment. In every single moment he makes us a beggar. He never lets our experience come to our heads so that we think we've mastered it. That's mind, and mind will co-opt anything.
The more we surrender, the more experience we have in Knowledge, the more thirst it's going to create. Being saved is not a "thing," but rather an
experience of being saved. It's not something that has a beginning, middle and end. It's a constant experience of being saved, it's a constant recognition that this duality can suck us up at any time. But if Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace is experienced constantly in our life, then there is the constant experience of being saved.
Maharaj Ji explained that it's like drinking water. There's no experience to drinking water in itself. But if we're really thirsty, the experience of drinking water is the quenching of our thirst. If there's no thirst, there's no sense that we need to be saved. Then the act of being saved by Guru Maharaj Ji will have no meaning to it. Having Knowledge would mean nothing. So Maharaj Ji makes us a constant beggar, constantly recognizing that we don't control anything, that this mind can swoop us up. Every little experience of Knowledge that we have is going to make us want to have a deeper experience.
Premlata asked if she could touch Dyalata just after she was born. Guru Maharaj Ji said, "O.K., but you've got to be very, very gentle. You've got to be very, very soft because she's just a new baby. She's just been born and she's so sensitive. Every single thing is coming at her in this world, and you've got to be so calm, The feeling was that he was right there inside her body, knowing everything that was being experienced and how it had to be gently introduced into this world. He said, "Maybe you can just touch her with your lips." When Maharaj Ji came downstairs, he was saying, "New babies are always incredible because when you hold them in your arms, they completely accept 100 per cent all the love that you're giving. As they get older - you can see. You go to kiss Wadi and she says, 'You're going to get me wet.'"
I had this feeling that Guru Maharaj Ji was the only one who could say that anybody was receiving 100 per cent love, because he's the Giver of love 100 per cent. How are we ever going to let go, get out of the way, and accept the perfect love that he has? There's nothing in this world that we're doing that's worth anything. We're just scurrying around, keeping busy for nothing. What we do is by his Grace, by his agya, to serve Guru Maharaj Ji.
I never imagined that I would be here speaking about the Almighty Lord, that I would know who He is, that I would be able to recognize Him, that He would walk this earth. That's always the satsang that I feel so much in my heart. I find it hard just to speak about meditation, even though it's so beautiful, because in meditation I can be with Guru Maharaj Ji so deeply. But to me, Guru Maharaj Ji is everything. If we keep our focus on him, if we love him with all our heart, if we pray to him, he takes complete care of all of us.
When Guru Maharaj Ji is your everything, then satsang, service and medtation are buddies. They come arm in arm - satsang, service, and meditation on top of it all. When we try to grab for something in this Knowledge, or in the world, we never get it. It vanishes before us. It's like smoke, it's vapor, it's useless. But when we grab for Guru Maharaj Ji's Lotus Feet, then we get everything.
He can give us everything that we want. But what do we really want? All the desires that we have are a subset of the true desire - to merge with Guru Maharaj Ji. All the categories of peace, truth, love, beauty, all spring from one desire.
When we come to Guru Maharaj Ji, let's not come by force. Let's not be dragged to Guru Maharaj Ji's Feet. Let us come of our own accord, lay ourselves at his Feet, and say, "Guru Maharaj Ji, here I am. I offer myself to you." In one sense, this is his play because we are already a part of him, and he brings us there. But that's the action that he gives us, that's the dedication he allows us to experience in our hearts.
O.K. Shri Hans Educational conference - it's teachers, or childcare, or… premies, just a lot of premies who are understanding that Guru Maharaj Ji is offering us Knowledge. We get involved. We have satsang, service and meditation - a simple little formula.
And all it is here, I would imagine, is a group of premies who want to fulfill the agya that Guru Maharaj Ji has given. Otherwise you can't get into this Knowledge. You can't pass through the doorway. Maybe you even have the littlest feeling for the priceless experience that's offered. You have something inside that says, "Wait a minute, this is incredible!" And yet you can't open the door.
Instead you find yourself in a place of incredible frustration. You want to find the formula. You know that Guru Maharaj Ji is our teacher. He's our
Guru Maharaj Ji. He's wanting to help us into the ultimate experience of this life, and he's offering us the way to do it. He's offering us his agya. We just want to try and fulfill that agya. That's what makes it completely worthwhile.
Satsang. Simple, clear, unfiltered, unpolluted, unadulterated, all the possible preservatives added, because its an eternal experience. It exists for so much longer than we exist. On the other hand, no preservatives added, because as soon as that experience of satsang ends, you can't rely on the experience you had in satsang. You can't remember back to that, it's not going to help you now.
Guru Puja has ended. Whatever it did to us while we were there in that hall with Guru Maharaj Ji as he was saying, "Surrender now!" - that was the experience we had. This experience we are having right now. That's the uniqueness, the incredibleness of Knowledge. Maybe there are memories, impressions, a momentum of some experience that happened there. But if that momentum isn't continued, if people are feeling something powerful right now, it's only because the experience has gone on. It hasn't stopped. Our effort to be in that experience hasn't stopped.
Yesterday, Maharaj Ji asked the initiators how many of them think after they have had their meditation. That was his question - a subtle little bomb he had placed. Then he elaborated. "How many thoughts do you think in an hour? Just a random figure. One thousand, two thousand, three thousand? Let's take a random number - one hundred. Every single one of those hundred thoughts that goes through your mind in an hour has the potential to totally destroy you, has the potential to take you from the path of Knowledge, to turn you against Guru Maharaj Ji." Then he asked how many of us meditate 24 hours a day.
He's not telling us not to eat, not to sleep. But he is telling us one thing, he has given us one agya to constantly meditate. How many of us remember Guru Maharaj Ji with every breath?
On the one hand, it's pretty intense, pretty deep. Yet deep inside I've had little glimmers of that experience. When Guru Maharaj Ji sits in front and says he's given us an agya, that's not a condemnation. Don't have any doubt in your mind. Always have all of your faith in Guru Maharaj Ji. Such simple little things. That is what this whole creation was prepared for, so that the power that created it and the power that has sustained it can then be the power that brings it to fulfillment. He comes for one purpose. He comes to reveal the most priceless experience that this life has to offer. Because he knows how dense we are, he is patient and merciful. But there comes a point when he really starts demanding "Have you understood what I have given you? Are you ready to obey, even on the simplest level?"
Guru Maharaj Ji explained that when Krishna revealed Knowledge to Arjuna, Arjuna didn't ask, "If you are the Doer of everything, the Lord of lords, omnipresent, omni-perfect, omniscient, why don't you just do everything?" Within that recognition, he understood that although Guru Maharaj Ji was the Doer of
everything, He was going to do it through His devotees. For a devotee to be able to be a channel of Guru Maharaj Ji was not a burden, but rather the opportunity of a lifetime.
Satsang starts happening, and penetrates deeper and deeper. Whatever is there gets stirred up inside of us. You never know how you are going to come out on the other end. If you did know, then it wouldn't be satsang. Satsang isn't 2 plus 2 equals 4.
When you receive Knowledge, maybe at the very most you have a sensation. That's about the only thing that stays with you throughout your life with Knowledge. Call it goose-bumps, call it a little chill that goes up and down your spine, something very subtle, very incredible, like that experience you have when you first are asked, "Do you want to receive Knowledge?" That's about the only real experience that follows you throughout your whole life.
Beyond that, you can't put it into a formula. The only real formula you can put it in is that you are born, you live, and you die. That's what 2 plus 2 equals. You're born, plus you live, equals you die.
What good is a cadaver to Guru Maharaj Ji? It just doesn't serve. That's why Guru Maharaj Ji puts life into the cadaver. He is the one who brings us to life. He is the one who brings the whole magic of this creation to life.
Guru Maharaj Ji gave us an example. Durga Ji had gotten him a watch and gave it to him. One day she saw Guru Maharaj Ji put it on his wrist. So Maharaj Ji said Durga Ji knew two things: she had gotten that watch for him and had given it to him, and she watched him put it on his wrist. Those two things automatically led to the third conclusion - that wherever Guru Maharaj Ji went that day, that watch was with him.
He said it is the same for a devotee. We have this life, we come to a point of recognizing Guru Maharaj Ji, and we give this life to Guru Maharaj Ji. We know that it's not our life and we give it to Guru Maharaj Ji. In love. And then we have faith. We have faith in Guru Maharaj Ji. That faith binds us to him. Guru Maharaj Ji said, wherever there is a devotee that has surrendered his life and has complete faith in Guru Maharaj Ji, the automatic conclusion is that wherever that devotee goes, Guru Maharaj Ji is always with him. So simple. So beautiful.
Talk about "God's chosen people are a hard-headed lot." A lot of descriptions are that his chosen people are stubborn, pig-headed people. Here was the Lord, he came, and he freed his people in Egypt where they were slaves. Then he tells them he'll take them to the promised land, to the land of milk and honey. "I'll take you to the eternal place." That's far out. Maybe you can reflect back, "The kingdom of heaven is within."
You kind of wonder. Somebody must have been really confused. From the little bit of geography I remember, it's not that far from Egypt over to so-called Israel. They wander for 40 years! That's one thing, but the Perfect Master leading them? Promising them, "Yes, I will bring you to the land of milk and honey. Just have faith in me." Wandering around, I wonder what they thought was going on. "Who is this guy?" They probably got to the point of surrender, "Yea, even if we try to escape where would we go? Might as well stick together. Gad, this stupid guy, goes up on mountains, comes back with all these scrolls."
Meanwhile they have their workshops on statue building. Maybe it was just a toy for the kids. I don't know. But they go through all of that - to what avail? When he comes to the River Jordan, he says, "O.K., it's on the other side, but I'm not going over there. That's not why I struggled for 40 years in the desert, to bring you to some stupid river so you could cross over and become farmers."
There is something so much more precious. What is the eternal experience of life? It's completely inside, it's internal, it's eternal, it's the spiritual Knowledge that lies within. It is not a physical experience! That promised land is not the ultimate school building where milk and honey flows. As Maharaj Ji says, "the eternal ninny."
It's more than that. Who has the courage to turn around and go inside? Who has the courage to meditate 24 hours a day? Who has the courage to have single-minded devotion to Guru Maharaj Ji? Who can accept what is being given? What a Lord we're dedicating ourselves to. You focus on him; don't worry about what role you're going to play. Guru Maharaj Ji will show you that you can play any role. He'll show you anything and everything is possible.
But, first have that exclusive devotion for Guru Maharaj Ji. First, go inside; first, obey the agya he's given; first understand the value of Knowledge. We can invite Guru Maharaj Ji down to our level - "Oh, Guru Maharaj Ji, I'm so hungry, come down to my level." Sure enough, by his mercy, he comes down and grovels around with us. But hidden within his presence, his mission, his purpose, is that he wants to lift us up to his level. He wants us to have the same experience he's having.
Do you want Grace? O.K., be willing to get your mind kicked around. Be willing for your ego to be kicked around. Be willing to get that thing that admits the mind, that's always running out and having an affair with the mind - your ego, your identification with your name, your presence - you have to be willing for Guru Maharaj Ji to slap that around a little bit. But he never slaps you around.
In Rome, he was explaining about Grace. Grace is an elevation. Grace is a state of elevation. And when we, through our effort, elevate ourselves, we enter into Grace. From there on Grace takes us. If you're sitting down there's no Grace, because Grace is flowing right over your head. But if you can manage to stand up, you'll go right into Grace, and from there it will carry you. You want Grace? O.K., make the effort.
I have a feeling that when Grace is flowing along on an infinite plane and our effort isn't up to it, and we start praying to Guru Maharaj Ji a lot, and Grace just isn't interested in helping, Guru Maharaj Ji takes his foot and pushes Grace right down onto us. When we finally get in there, he slowly brings his foot up. Then we come up with Grace and we can stay there.
I don't know who here wants to hear satsang. In my heart, I'm really asking Guru Maharaj Ji to let me hear some of this. Even to hear one speck of satsang changes your whole awareness of life. If you hear one sentence of satsang, truly, you will never look at life the same again. You can't hear anything in satsang, you can't do anything in service, you can't be in meditation until you're willing for your life to be altered at that time. If you're sitting here, not willing to let your life be altered forever, if you haven't come here tonight and said to Guru Maharaj Ji before you came, "Anything goes - I'm willing to come into satsang tonight and let you change my life," if you don't do that what can happen?
Satsang is real. It's not a sermon. It's not a lecture or a trip. It's a power. That power can reform you tonight. But what are you holding onto? I don't want to know what you're holding onto. I don't want that. I remember one time someone asked, "Does this Knowledge give you power?" I said, "Yes, incredible power." "The power to read minds?" I got completely sick. Can you imagine? My mind has kept me completely ill for God knows how long. All of a sudden, you achieve the power to be attuned to six billion minds. I just said, "No, not that power."
That person was so disappointed, and I was so relieved. This gives you the power to reach Guru Maharaj Ji, to reach love, to reach truth. This gives you the power to kiss His Feet. This gives you the power to know that it's worthwhile coming to satsang. This gives you the power to serve. This gives you the greatest power. It doesn't give you the power to jump in a big cesspool.