A penetrating performance

All that meditating and guru-worshipping is paying off for Johnny Young. He has developed a sixth sense that enables him to see what we are doing in our living rooms.

"What a wonderful performance!" the squeaky clean king of the kids gleefully announced the other night on Young Talent Time.

But whose performance? His toe-tapping Talent squad? The audience? Members of the band?

No, we the viewers, all around the country, after we'd just joined in a rousing sing-a-long.

Johnny introduced the coast-to-coast sing-song with a few words of encouragement for "all of you at home".

"You are going to join in, aren't you? AREN'T YOU? Good, and I'll be listening to see who sings the best. Everyone ready?"

And, ready or not, we were soon having a ball to the strains of Swanee, Ain't She Sweet and Down By The River Side.

Then the lad with the x-ray vision was back to tell us that "New South Wales was marvellous. Victoria was pretty good. And South Australia … well, about 80 per cent."

Is this a little trick he picked up from Guru Maharaj Ji, head of the Divine Light Mission, who recently enabled our John to see the light?

Thanks to Maharaj Ji he now has energy he never had before, which is possibly why the king of the kids is also Australia's, and maybe the world's, first video visionary.

But why is this so? I tried to find out by putting the question to him direct. Through the screen.

Unfortunately I am unable to perfect his amazing power of penetration, which must come from years of meditation.

But I am working on it. Ohm. ohm. ohm. …