A Prominent Prem Rawat Premie: Joan Apter

Joan Apter 1971 In the DLM 1973 book 'Who Is Guru Maharaj Ji?' Joan Apter wrote:

Guru Maharaj Ji is pure and perfect. We can experience this purity and this perfection only from the divine manifestation of the soul, the Perfect Master. When I understood that Knowledge was the way that I could be constantly connected to him, internally and externally, I begged for Knowledge. And he gave me that entrance into the kingdom of heaven.

The New York Review of Books Letters to the Editors, January 24, 1974

To the Editors:
Guru Maharaj Ji is the source of so much attention for one reason only. We should not forget the reason. He is revealing God to every human being who requests it. … It is very simple. If the experience He reveals is true, we can appreciate Guru Maharaj Ji. … If the experience He reveals is not true, then we should not bother ourselves with Guru Maharaj Ji any more. - Joan Apter

Joan Apter 2007 from the 'Perspectives' section of Élan Vital's website (circa 2000):

I wouldn't say it's easy to practice Knowledge. It's daunting to be aware of the motor mouth of the mind. But it is simple. Even I can do it. The rewards? Maybe just that little inch of separation between my worries and me, which makes a huge difference in my life!

After 30 years of meditation Joan's fantasy of "the Kingdom of Heaven" has actually become nothing more than an "inch of separation from my worries". That sounds about right because Rawat's meditation techniques are nearly worthless, and though it's not very impressive believing in him apparently is worth something: an inch.

Joan Apter has been one of Prem Rawat's most prominent devotees. She was one of the first Westerners to find him in India, she was the driving force that got him to the USA in 1971. She had a section in the 1973 book Who Is Guru Maharaj Ji?, was the co-emcee at Millenium '73, she regularly gave satsang (made speeches) at large festivals and public meetings, appeared in the Élan Vital revisionist video 'Passages' attempting to counter criticism of Rawat and trying to provide a coherent story of Rawat's career. She was involved in Élan Vital publications, told her story in the 25th Anniversary Divine Times and gave a speech at the 50th Anniversary celebration of his birth.

Joan Apter: One of Prem Rawat's earliest Western devotees
"I heard that he was arriving in England and absolutely went insane. I started, I think in those days it was telexing or something or was it Western Union. I started sending Western Unions every day when he arrived in England "Please Maharaji, please come to America."

Joan Apter introduces His first U.S. satsang
"Tonight, Guru Maharaj Ji has come just because we have so many people here but we had forgotten how tired he would be and arranged for this program. Please keep in your mind that he will speak for just a short time tonight."
Joan Apter

"It was a time in my life when I really needed umm a sense of direction a sense of um yes there is a meaning there is a purpose. He kept on saying there was, I kept on saying there wasn't, we'd have an ongoing of 'Yes, there is', 'No there isn't', 'Yes, there is', 'No there isn't' and he just wore me down because of the the love".
Joan Apter was probably the sickest, most self-obsessed, neurotic, doped-up and depressed drama queen to become a follower of Rawat. And if she wasn't she certainly acted as if she was.

Joan Apter: One of Prem Rawat's earliest Western devotees "I tell you one thing, the interaction with Maharaji was the magic ingredient and it was so plentiful, it was just, just so available."

Joan Apter (Joan Apter was one of Rawat's first Western devotees and was an extremely disturbed young woman.
Joan Apter: One of Prem Rawat's earliest Western devotees "I mean experiences that aargh you know where we just feel completely one um … Things like that we can't share."

But she has just shared it …
Joan Apter: One of Prem Rawat's earliest Western devotees

"From London uh New York stopover then he gets um a connection and flies to LA. We meet him at the airport and we have a press conferecne for him at the airport. We drive him to where he's staying and we have another press conference at the residence. He says goodbye to everybody and goes to his room and he says "Ah, you know, that's it, you know I've been travelling fer a zillion hours and I'm going to bed" and he closes the door and Gary and I are sitting outside his bedroom door going "I wonder how we're going to break it to him that we have a program scheduled for him tonight." And we were outside the door pondering how to break this to him when he opens up the door and says "You wanted to tell me something." "You know well Maharaji we sorta scheduled this program for you and my mother's there and all the premies you know and "urghh urghh" putting it to him and he graciously accepted and he went and he said you know "I should be sleeping", however he gave a beautiful first program it was absolutely marvellous." - Joan Apter
The very brief clip we have shows it was anything but marvellous.

Joan Apter: One of Prem Rawat's earliest Western devotees
"I think that was the time where he really saw that it was really important to separate the um Indian interpretation of everything so that we would have a fresh start and and be authentic with ourselves."

Isn't it a little late to start being "authentic" after 25 years of practising this "Knowledge"?

Prem Rawat has been altering his message and his history since the early 1980's. Interestingly, his devotees have been doing the same, either consciously or unconsciously. Joan Apter is one of Rawat's most obvious devotees and she has been given "authority" within the Rawatism cult by being allowed to appear in Élan Vital films and public meetings. She was one of the original handful of devotees in the USA and one of the very few still loyal to Rawat. In the DLM 1973 book 'Who Is Guru Maharaj Ji?' she wrote:

This is a testimony. But really, without exaggerating, it is a scripture, for I have been graced and the Living Lord has found me, and so my experiences with Guru Maharaj Ji are the eternal experiences written by every soul in the past and will be written by every soul in the future who meets the embodiment of truth, pure consciousness, and bliss, receives his Knowledge, and lives under his universal shelter. today, Maharaji, you suggest, is just one of a series of 'teachers, mentors and inspirations who have helped me identify important areas of my life that were still unexplored.'

There is a discrepancy between her accounts of what she was doing in India at the time, how she came to Prem Rawat in the first place and how he initially impressed her. Around the year 2000 on the Élan Vital Site site, she wrote that she wasn't "looking for a spiritual teacher or meditation technique". However, in the book, she explains, in great detail, how completely obsessed she was, then, with spirituality:

I had been walking from ashram to ashram, weeping quite a lot, reading scriptures and mourning.

She details the excruciating, perhaps even life-threatening spiritual malaise she was suffering and her desperation to find some relief. With hindsight it appears she was suffering from marijuana induced depression and psychosis exacerbated by ill-health caused by her pretend "sadhu" lifestyle. The most striking disparity in the two stories is how she dealt with coming upon Maharaji and how he first impressed her. For EV she wrote:

It was not until I met Maharaji and heard him speak that I began to feel pieces of the puzzle fall into place. It all started when I heard him address his huge audience as 'dear seekers of truth.'

This is entirely at odds with what's written in the book. There, a series of different 'spiritual seekers' including one of Maharaji's own mahatmas, tell you about Maharaji over a course of many months. Your interest is piqued a little further with each encounter. Then, after suffering a severe emotional breakdown, you finally get packed off to see the young Rawat with a letter of introduction from his mahatma stating that you 'would die' if you didn't get Knowledge. Finally, she arrives and is such a basket-case that she can do more than huddle, frightened, on his front lawn watching everyone else prostrate at his feet. Her account for EV seems to be no more than a whitewash, a revision of her life story tailored to sidestep the true nature of this cult. Here's how she ended her entry for EV:

I wouldn't say it's easy to practice Knowledge. It's daunting to be aware of the motor mouth of the mind. But it is simple. Even I can do it. The rewards? Maybe just that little inch of separation between my worries and me, which makes a huge difference in my life!

And here's how she ended her entry for the book:

Guru Maharaj Ji is pure and perfect. We can experience this purity and this perfection only from the divine manifestation of the soul, the Perfect Master. When I understood that Knowledge was the way that I could be constantly connected to him, internally and externally, I begged for Knowledge. And he gave me that entrance into the kingdom of heaven.

After 30 years of meditation the fantasy of "the Kingdom of Heaven" has actually become nothing more than an "inch of separation from my worries". That sounds about right but it's not very impressive.

Joan Apter: One of Prem Rawat's earliest Western devotees

Joan gives us yet another version in the 1996 broadsheet 'Divine Times - Special Edition':

My introduction to Maharaji was in a restaurant in Afghanistan, back in 1970, when Sandy Collier wrote his Dehradun, India address in my address book. Sandy and her companion Ron Geaves, were on their may overland back to London, after having met Maharaji and received the techniques of Knowledge. Of course, I just filed this impression away and continued my overland journey to India.

I was 22 years old. I had left America when I was 20 and set out on my odyssey which would three years later, end me up in India, at the doorstep of Maharaji's home in Dehradun. There was tons of synchronicity in the story. Not only meeting Sandy and Ron, but during my travels in India I kept bumping into "sages" who would tell me in their consultations with me that I would find what I was looking for in Dehradun.

Finally, my travels landed me in the lower Himalayan village of Bageshwar. I was on my way to Lake Mansorovar in Tibet, but the Chinese occupation stopped me in Bageshwar. There, in a temple one rainy day a strange saddhu opened up his metal suitcase, pulled out a poster of Maharaji in shining crown and red velvet coat, and said I should go to Dehradun.

Well, I may be crazy, but I'm not dumb. This time I went straight away. I landed on Maharaji's front porch with a letter of introduction the saddhu had given me (he turned out to be one of Maharaji's travelling instructors).

I waited for Maharaji to come home from St. Joseph's Academy, where he was attending 5th grade. He was 12 year old. I was extremely nervous, and wanted to run out the gate. Finally a car came screeching into the gravel driveway.

Soon, Maharaji appeared, having changed into his white kurta and pajama outfit I came to love so well. He sat down in front of me and asked, "What do you want?" My answer was what seemed like an infinity of crying. While I wept, Maharaji listened. I really felt I was telling him my whole story in tears, and that he was listening. Finally. when I subsided, he said, 'Ok. Your room is up there. Take rest and we will talk more later." And all he went back inside the residence.

So began my one month stay with Maharaji. In that time I had the chance to talk with Maharaji almost every day on the porch after he came back from school. I argued and argued. Maharaji loved and loved. Finally, I was melted and began to feel optimism ad hope re-enter my life.

Then it was school vacation and Maharaji was scheduled to go to Delhi and Chandigarh to give public talks there. I worried and worried as departure preparations were going on. Finally Maharaji told me I was going along. We drove to Delhi where I got to see Maharaji speaking before almost a million people at a huge outdoor programme. To put it mildly, my mind was blown. There he was really telling it like it was giving such love that I just melted.

I asked for Knowledge that night. Maharaji told me I had to wait, that I wasn't ready yet. The next day we drove to Chandigarh and one again I saw Maharaji offer great clarity and insight to large numbers of people as well as being able to heap tons of love and fun at the same time. I asked for Knowledge again that night. This time Maharaji said yes.

The next morning Sampuranand took me to a private room and showed me the techniques of Knowledge. The only problem with receiving Knowledge was that when we got back to Dehradun Maharaji told me it was time to go to Prem Nagar ashram and learn about service.

I was not pleased to leaving the residence, but Maharaji came often to visit and there was a lot of preparation going on for the Peace Bomb programme in November, 1970 at India Gate, Delhi. That is how I learned about service.

There were a group of Westerners coming overland by van that had received Knowledge in London. Maharaji asked me to look after their needs. I was also doing public relations in a tent on the India Gate grounds. This was the most amazing event of Maharaji's I have ever been.

The group of westerners ended up being two vans full of miscellaneous nationalities. We all went up to Prem Nagar ashram and had absolutely incredible days with Maharaji.

You could tell Maharaji enjoyed the unruly Westerners, who would greet his arrival on the roof where he would come to talk to us and answer questions with wild whooping enthusiasm. We would ask lots of questions, and Maharaji enjoyed that. He kept telling us that he was going to the west soon.

A lot of people went back to their various countries to prepare for him. But still I could not leave. The idea that Maharaji, still in school, would leave to travel in the West seemed a remote possibility.

Finally, in April of 1971, I left. I had been with Maharaji for ten months.

from the 'Perspectives' section of Élan Vital's website (circa 2000):

When I talk about Maharaji and the gift of Knowledge that he gave me, I always use the analogy of my treasured pearl necklace, each pearl being a person who has brought huge value to my life. These are the teachers, mentors and inspirations who have helped me identify important areas of my life that were still unexplored. When I meet these people, something clicks. Maharaji is a rare Tahitian pearl on that necklace of great gifts in my life. I met Maharaji at the end of 1969. I was a hippie wanderer, traveling overland to India. I had a keen awareness of 'something missing', but would not have been able to tell you what was missing. I was not searching for a spiritual master or a technique of meditation. It was not until I met Maharaji and heard him speak that I began to feel pieces of the puzzle fall into place. It all started when I heard him address his huge audience as 'dear seekers of truth.'

Maharaji spoke to the importance of having a practical connection to a part of myself that is connected to - whatever I call that life-force that is keeping me alive. His message shocked me because it was so different. This was not an intellectual pursuit. This was not a lifestyle. This was not an external practice, like rosaries or mantras. This was an offer to learn the 'how to' of practicing an inner focus on a daily basis.

The other thing that fit me perfectly about Maharaji's message was that he was not just offering a 'how to' and then leaving me on my own. I definitely needed support to be able to shift from a purely external focus to a more balanced menu, which included internal nourishment. Maharaji helped me see things differently, and opened up new possibilities in my life. I loved spending time with him, my heart bursting with the joy of what I was discovering!

I wouldn't call myself a disciplined person. I am an emotional person; more comfortable following my heart than making an action plan to make my dreams come true. This is another reason a competent teacher is such a treasure in my life. He reminds me where the rubber meets the road. If I really want a life where I feel a connection to something that I can always count on, then it is up to me to organize my life accordingly.

I call the time I practice Knowledge my 'quiet time.' It's the necessary break-time in my life that is increasingly filled with places to go, people to see, and things to do. I feel sincerely fortunate that Maharaji has offered me a method to find that quiet place, one that works for me.

I wouldn't say it's easy to practice Knowledge. It's daunting to be aware of the motor mouth of the mind. But it is simple. Even I can do it. The rewards? Maybe just that little inch of separation between my worries and me, which makes a huge difference in my life!

Playboy magazine:

Or Joan Apter, the second American convert (the one accused of smuggling the jewels into India), who had tasted the "freedom" of so many hundreds of acid trips and sexual encounters and was so exhausted from the San Francisco-Mexico City-Amsterdam air triangle ("I was on acid continuously. I'd go up as fast as I got down.") that she ended up destitute and half-crazed in India-a "white saint" cared for by the peasants, wandering in search of truth until she stumbled upon the Guru Maharaj Ji.

Joan's father was a Washington liberal lobbyist. Another devotee escaped from the mendacity of life at the American Embassy in New Delhi, where her father was the acting American Ambassador. "He was forced to lie for the Government. It destroyed him and I wanted to find the truth." Virtually all were white and privileged; they were also in a good deal of pain.

References: The information on this page was sourced from the following: