THE ONLY OASIS

GURU MAHARAJ JI
HANS JAYANTI 1979
Friday, November 9, 1979 - Afternoon

So dear premies, again for us it's a precious moment, again for us a chance to take a step further, again for us a way to look out, a way for us to enter Guru Maharaj Ji's world. I guess one of our shortcomings is that we always let our mind, let our concepts, let our ego, let our - the negative self of us, really - infiltrate. Always.

Every morning I come out there and turn on the television and watch these guys fire up their cameras and …it's pitch black at that time on the television. And finally they start up their test patterns and fire up their cameras and start rolling and put a little sign up. They have a little sign that says, "Pranam Lord, good morning." Watch that for a little while, and then slowly things start to happen. Some of these guys come here, try to set up and music starts playing and they pan the audience all the time.

And there are all these things going on. I see it. People bringing their chairs and people bringing their yogurt or apples and sitting down. And somebody is doing exercises there, or stretching their legs and … I mean, it's just truly fantastic to watch it. It's completely action-filled. Every moment something is happening. Every second something is happening; somebody's coming and getting settled down, and then one person barely gets settled down and the security guys come and tell him to move.

What is that? What does that signify? In one sense it doesn't signify anything. What can it possibly signify? You have to come here somehow, you have your chairs, sit on them, and you have your apples or bananas. I guess that's your morning breakfast. And maybe you're stiff sleeping in your bag or whatever and you want to stretch your legs a little bit. Is there anything even to learn from that?

16 affinity

Prem Rawat aka Maharaji aka Guru Maharaj Ji 1979

Is there anything there? Or is it just another day, another routine, another thing? What happens?

And there is something to learn from that because what we do every day is just a manifestation of what's really going on inside. You look at it and it's just, "Okay, sure. I'm coming to listen to satsang. I'm here to listen to satsang. I'm going to be here to enjoy my satsang. 'My' satsang. I'm a good premie. I'm going to listen to satsang." Early in the morning, you come, take your places, claim your territory by placing your things there and your chair and get all lined up for the big day of satsang. And everything starts happening.

Today, I guess I came much earlier than yesterday or than I had been coming. I came and peeked out this way and there were just very, very few premies on this side. So I figured all the premies must be on this side. So I went over the way, peeked over there, and there was nobody on this side. So I figured everybody was in the middle. So I told them to give me a pan of the premies. I said, "Give me the pan," and someone hands me a pen.

"No, pan, 'p-a-n.' Give me the audience pan." And still there was nobody there. So I figured I'd go back. What am I doing back behind the stage? So I left; I went back.

And what does it signify? To me, it can signify only one thing: our true manifestation. When we come through darshan and our heart is really singing - it was probably what happened last night - there were people who weren't dancing at all. They couldn't. And then there were people who were dancing. There were some people who couldn't believe it. All these things that were happening were just the expressions of what was really happening inside. And I can see that there are only a very, very few moments that truly we concentrate on Knowledge truly we concentrate on Guru Maharaj Ji, truly concentrate on the experience. And the rest of the time it's, "Let those horses run wild."

A long, long time ago - I think it was in Colorado - somebody asked an initiator, "Well, why do we have to do all this all day long? Why do we have to meditate? Why do we have to be in satsang? Why do we have to do all these things all day long? Why do we have to even do so much meditation?"

His reply was, "Look, if you let your horses run wild all day long, and then in one moment you want to go out there and collect them all, is that possible?" No. If you let them run wild all day long they will be all over the place. And you have to go all over the place picking them up, picking every horse up; finding them and bringing them, herding them, back.

I feel the same way, that most of the time what are we involved with? Can we name what we are involved with? One of the things we do is we go to sleep every night. And what is the state of our sleep? In that stage of sleep we are absolutely useless. We can't do anything. If somebody were to come up to us and start giving us satsang, we couldn't hear it. There we are. We're really no good - snoring away, our mouth is open, saliva is falling out - whatever. I mean it's a state of statelessness, really.

But every day that we get up, where does our time go? And then all of a sudden, we want to sit down and "zap!" have an experience of Guru Maharaj Ji, "zap!" have an experience of Knowledge.

I guess this is the biggest festival we have - Hans Jayanti. And premies come from all their different places, premies bring all their different trips, premies bring all their different concepts with them. Everybody collects together in this big field, in this big place. And tents are set up, and the grass is cut, and all these things happen so we can come here for one week, so we can come here for this occasion, we can come here for this time and sit down and listen to satsang.

And to us it's really blissful. To us, It's been really incredible. I don't know where the days have gone. I don't know ;where the time has gone. It has become :irrelevant. Because there is only one thing :manifesting. And that's satsang. That's that experience. And you tend to dive into that experience and stay there.

But out of the 365 days that we have, more or less, seven days of experience: will it ever do it? Is seven days enough?

18 affinity

No, it's not enough. Seven days is not ehough. And do you know there is talk about having Hans Jayanti for two weeks next year? (Again, those people who clapped are the unemployed premies.) And some people are thinking right know, "Oh my God, I'm going to lose my job," or "What am I going to do? How can I come?"

It's not a matter of time. It's not a matter of two weeks. It's not a matter of months. It's a matter of every single moment. And it isn't even the matter of Hans Jayanti. It's a matter of just completely diving into the experience that Guru Majaraj Ji gives to us, completely diving into the experience of Knowledge, of satsang, service and meditation.

Then there can he something. Then there can be something that can be alive. Then there can be something that is real. Our concepts and our trips aren't real. You see premies go by in darshan. And everybody has their concept, I guess, in ohe sense, of how to do pranam. Most of them do it the same way, but then you will always get this one person who has a different style of doing the whole thing.

But when we put ourselves into those little cages, when we put ourselves into little things and we surround ourselves with them - whether or not we can get out of it or not - it definitely causes one problem and that's Guru Maharaj Ji cannot have access to us. Because every time Guru Maharaj Ji wants to have access to us, every time Guru Maharaj Ji wants to reach us, he is also blocked by that cage. That's, I guess, the only difference that keeps us from loving Guru Maharaj Ji.

Okay, there is this thing. Every devotee should have that love for Guru Maharaj Ji. And okay, fine. Every devotee, I guess, has that love for. Guru Maharaj Ji. But where is it? In which way do we try to manifest it?

Sometimes we'll settle for our service.

Prem Rawat aka Maharaji aka Guru Maharaj Ji 1979

Prem Rawat aka Guru Maharaj Ji Onstage 1979

"Look, I'm doing this for Guru Maharaj Ji and that's enough for me. I just built Guru Maharaj Ji's bed," or "I just built Guru Maharaj Ji's bed frame," or "I just built this ring of wood behind his chair." Or, "I built Guru Maharaj Ji's chair, that's good enough for me."

Is it? Because we seem to ask our own questions and answer our own questions. Whatever we feel like. We ask our own questions, "Is this good enough? Am I trying hard enough? Is my experience of Guru Maharaj Ji really manifesting?" And we answer our owh questions - "Oh, of course, kiddo" - hot. realizing where possibly that source of that information is coming from.

Only when we can come to Guru Maharaj Ji … we have to be in that state of not even desiring. How can a human being possibly be ever in a state of no desire? It's great to say: "Don't desire anything. Don't have any desires." But how do you put it in motion? I guess so many people who give satsang get up at one time or the other and say, "Don't have any desires."

But how - being a human being? (If you kill yourself, then you won't.) But being alive, how do you manage not to have any desires? You will have desires. That's it. You see, the problem isn't that a river should not flow. A river definitely should flow. But the only point is, it should flow, not flood. Our desires have to be motivated towards Guru Maharaj Ji. We have to desire Guru Maharaj Ji. We have to desire Guru Maharaj Ji's experience.

There are so many premies who own cars. You see them parked: Cadillacs or Pontiacs or little beaten-up Volkswagens or vans. Okay. There's nothing wrong with having cars. But then every day, if you get up and do pranam to the cars, if every day you get up and love your car, then for even that moment that you could be with Guru Maharaj Ji, it isn't there. Is isn't existent. Guru Maharaj Ji isn't; the car is. Then there is a definite problem.

One time someone was very sad and I asked her, "What's the matter? Why are you sad?" And she said, "Just this mind. I can't do meditation sometimes, because this happens or that happens and I'm tired. And I just can't get enough time to be able to sit down and do meditation."

And my bit of advice to her was, "Okay. That is something you have to try, to be able to do meditation. But to me, in my experience, when it really counts is that moment that I'm sitting there getting completely spaced out - that's the time that it counts for me to sit down and do meditation. When my mind is the most anxious, when my mind is the most eager …"

You see, we get up and do meditation in the morning, but we are half asleep. That's a problem. Face it. So many times in Malibu, in the premie kitchen, I used to walk in there in the morhing, and there'd be this premie. One leg would be straight - I guess naturally once you fall asleep your leg just goes straight - and his other leg was still in meditation position. He's half leaned over and there it is. He's having an experience, but it's an experience of sleep. He's having an experience, probably. Dreaming away. But not an experience of Guru Maharaj Ji.

But then there are those moments in every day that we are awake, that we don't have anything to do. We are completely awake. We're completely fresh. And that's the time - even if it's ten minutes, even if it's five minutes, even if it's one second - to sit down and attack the mind

20 affinity

Prem Rawat aka Guru Maharaj Ji 1979

with your full force. It works! It really works. But not early in the morning, when you don't even have your full force. When you don't even know if you're awake or if you're asleep. Every minute you sit down it's like, "Oh, I have to use the bathroom." It's just like, "Yeah, when I really, really get an urge to go is when I'm going to stop meditating and move' on over. And that'll be the beginning of my day."

To me, there are so many things that a person has to realize about this path. First of all we are all ignorant about it. We are all naive. I don't know. Ignorance can even be an escape, not to know. But we don't know. As far as this path is concerned, it's like how many premies here know Chinese, except the Chinese? Or how many premies here know language that doesn't even exist? Nobody knows that. And if somebody comes, walks up here and says, "I know of language …"

Sometimes Hansi starts saying these things. He gets wild and he'll start saying these things. And behind everything he says he has an intention. He's trying to express something. He really meant. And yet I don't know exactly what he is saying, because I don't understand the words. I can hear the words, but I can't respond to the words because I don't know the meaning of the words. And I know it's not a language, because the only languages he's accustomed to is English. But in his heart he knows something. In his heart he is expressing something.

And that's what we have to understand, that what do we know about the path of Knowledge? What do we know about Guru Maharaj Ji? Okay, we say, "Oh, Guru Maharaj Ji … " There is that song, "Maharaj Ji, you are my Perfect Master." What is a Perfect Master? What do we know about a Perfect Master? Being as imperfect as we are, do we even have the faintest? How can an imperfect little brain - little, imperfect, dumb little brain - conceive of something that's incredible, conceive of something that for that brain doesn't even really exist? Here it's easy to say, "A Perfect Master, Perfect Master, Perfect Master." But what is Perfect; what is Knowledge? What even is the meaning of Knowledge? What is peace?

What is Truth? What is the stage of trahquillity? Tranquil. How can we be tranquil when our heart's beating, our little blood cells are going at it, and little things are going on all over the place? Our lungs are going … What is the stage of tranquillity? What is the stage of motionlessness? What is the stage of being - not above, beyond, below, or anything - just being? What is that stage?

What is an answer? What is a problem? We take these things and we try to give everthing a definition. We try to give everything an understanding. We try to give everything a definition.

A long time ago I was in Japan. And there I picked up a few Japanese words. Ohio gosaimasu, do itashimashite, or domo arigato. And the thing is, I remember the words, but I completely forgot their meaning. I don't know what domo arigato means and I don't know what ohio gosaimasu means - do itashimashite or whatever. All these things. I haven't the faintest what they mean. But I remember the words.

And it's like this one real tongue-twister. I don't know how they're going to print this in the magazine but the way it goes is (speaks a phrase). Now, I don't know what it means. I don't think it's quite Madrasi or I don't think it's even Hindi.

But so many times, that's its definition.

affinity 21

Prem Rawat aka Guru Maharaj Ji Onstage 1979

It's a tongue-twister. It's just there. It's just present. And I don't understand it, just like those Japanese words. Sure, I know how to say them, but I don't understand the meaning of them.

But in truly looking at it, isn't that just another word: "Perfect Master"? "Knowledge." "Experience." What is an experience? Do we all know what an experience is? Here we put our little badges right here: "I'm a premie. Ten years I have had Knowledge!" Big deal. So what? What do you know in ten years? What have you found out in ten years? That you're very dumb. After ten years you can look back at your ten years and finally you know one thing: that you're stupid, that you don't know anything.

I don't know why premies say it, but sometimes they get up and say, "Oh yeah, I had Knowledge for ten years. I've had Knowledge for eleven years. I've had Knowledge for seven years, six years, five years." Or, "I just received Knowledge."

Look, the thing is, it's like we can try to define things. But will we ever get there? Will we ever have a proper definition to it? Will we ever have a definition? Will we ever have a proper definition?

Well, we can have a definition to it. But sometimes I feel what happens is like that example where there is this one sentence in one language - and you mutter a few words. And what these words mean is, "Take your shoe off and slap me on my face with it, "and you go up to somebody and say, "I bet you can't say these words."

He says, "Sure I can say them." And when he says it, you take your shoe off and slap him on the face. He says, "What did you do that for?"

"Well, that's what you just told me to do."

I think that's the way, sometimes, our definitions are. "Guru Maharaj Ji." Somebody who takes us away from the darkness and puts us into Light. And then … that's the meaning of "Guru." But what does "Maharaj Ji" mean? What's "Ji" mean? What's "Maharaj" mean? And what does the whole thing mean? "Guru Maharaj Ji." What does "Perfect" mean and what does "Master" mean? And then what does "Perfect Master" mean?

What does "I" mean? What does "love" mean? What does "you" mean? And then what does "I love you" mean? I guess "know" is to know, and "Ledge" is a ledge. You know, it sticks out of your window or door or whatever. Then what does "Knowledge" mean?

Okay, so many thousands of premies are here. What does it all mean? Do we ever even try to understand it? What does "Guru Maharaj Ji" mean? Do we ever try to understand that? "What does my trip mean to me? What is my confusion? Where is my weak spot? Where am I going to get hit the most? Am I really truly receiving what Guru Maharaj Ji is giving to me? Am I really accepting what Guru Maharaj Ji is offering me? Am I truly understanding the gift that Guru Maharaj Ji is giving me? Am I truly worthy of even receiving the gift that Guru Maharaj is giving me?"

These are very interesting questions. Have we ever sat down and asked ourselves? Because the first thing we assume is we assume that we are capable. The second thing we assume is that we are worthy. I mean, "that's why we have Knowledge." To some people it doesn't even come to that point. You have Knowledge, he told you "No, no, no," for so long, and finally you fooled him one day. And there you have it. You became so good at answering his questions, all the questions he threw at you, put a nice smile on, pretended to be sincere and you fooled him.

This power of satsang is so incredible,

22 affinity

if we can just even understand anything about it. There was this one premie - this is incredible. Every time Shri Maharaj Ji used to hold a program, he used to come to criticize him. He wasn't a premie then. And he'd stand there and he'd shout at him and he'd yell at him and do all these things.

First to do that, he'd have to stand in the very back. And Guru Maharaj Ji would be giving satsang. And one day he came there to shout, yell and scream and do everything, and he was just going to wait for that moment to come when he could do it. And he started listening. And he was just waiting for an error to be made, so he could do something. And he started listening.

And the first thing that happened is the first relay clicked. The second relay clicked. Third relay clicked. And eventually it tripped his whole life. And he received Knowledge. This person who came to say, "No, this is not the way it is! What is this Guru? And what are all these things?" - ended up receiving that Knowledge, ended up understanding, or becoming a recipient, becoming as lucky - as lucky, as lucky as he can get - to become a recipient of Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace in this lifetime.

So I mean, the first thing is if we don't even understand the metabolism, if we don't even understand the structure of this path, how are we going to walk it? If we don't even understand what Guru Maharaj Ji is, then how are we going to even love Guru Maharaj Ji? If we don't understand what Knowledge. is, then how are we going to even practice Knowledge?

And the funny thing is there are all these guys sitting in the front row - not every one of them is an initiator and some of them don't even want to be initiators. But there are all these guys, and some of them are initiators and some of them are candidates. I have spent time with them, you know. There is this one session going on - looks like it's the infinite session. The IDP candidates, the guys from England, they've been candidates for a long, long time.

I don't know. This one premie came up to me one day and said, "How come these guys have been candidates for such long time while other guys have become initiators so quickly? It doesn't really matter. It has nothing to do with it. It's not relative because the more they open up … and it's not as if they're going to understand anything more, or they're going to understand anything less, or they're less stupid or they're more stupid than any one of them sitting there. It's the same boat. It's the same exact boat. And it's the same exact ocean that they all have to cross. Some here have been initiators for a long, long time. There's all these "oldies." And yet they can't stand up and try to explain the meaning of Guru Maharaj Ji. They can't explain ever the glory of Guru Maharaj Ji. They can't explain the experience of Knowledge to you.

They can explain doubts and confusions. The little tiny ways your mind works, perhaps they can capture. Because perhaps theirs does, too. They can relate to that. You can relate to that. Tiny little mistakes that they make, they can relate to and you can relate to. For one, this whole place is a nightmare. For another, today Guru Maharaj Ji is half smiling and half sad, because it's half sunny and half cloudy - again, that little concept. And for another Guru Maharaj Ji is the old man and Grace a young woman - another little joke or another little thing.

What's the difference between the laddoo story or that story or this story or this little confusion here or that little confusion there? It's all in the same pits. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no sense. It has no - nothing. Because that's everything that you want to leave behind. That's everything you want to take away. For that initiator who changed his name, what a period it must have been, first of all even to conceive that he wanted to change his name. "This is no good. My parents made a mistake. I don't want to be named this thing. Should I do it? Shouldn't I do it? Should I really do it? What's going to happen if I do it?" I don't know if he went back and forth like that; maybe he just one day woke up in the morning and said, "My name is changed."

But I can see that there are so many

affinity 23

things that "dwindle" us back and forth. There are so many things that play with us, just like a cat playing with a mouse: paw us, squeeze us, press us, bit us. And this is the way I feel our mind is. It's just like this cat and we are like this mouse and we know that eventually one day, "pow!" it's going to happen, I guess. One day it's really going to manifest. One day there is going to be that time when this cat's going to squeeze a little bit too hard and that's going to be it.

Prem Rawat aka Guru Maharaj Ji 1979

Because as long as that mouse has that little energy to run, as long as that mouse is going to run, the cat's going to keep playing with it. And the time that that mouse stops doing it, it'll just take it and give it a good shake and that'll be the end of it. Seems to me that seems to be our game, that seems to be the thing that we most like to do or like to get involved in. Not for Guru Maharaj Ji. Guru Maharaj Ji sees the situation.

I don't know. I can't sit here and describe what happens in every one of your lives, it'd take too long. What happened to you today or what was going to happen to you and what has happened and all the Grace you threw out of the car - this happened or that happened or this guy - I mean, so many trips, so many things, everywhere. So much happens every day.

And yet why do we even have to be associated with it? Sincerely. Okay, there it is. You play it or something.

There's that one story one initiator was telling about when she went to this airport and there was this guy and he was the guy who checked in the luggage, and he was the guy who announced the gate and tore the tickets, and he was the guy who flew the airplane and put the luggage in and everything. I've seen places like that.

One time I was in Swaziland it was incredible. You can't even fly there with a big airplane. You have to go to Johannesburg and then catch a little airplane and go to Swaziland. And this place is incredible. It's secluded beyond imagination. Everything is really something else in Swaziland, I guess: just a little place in Africa.

We arrived on this little propeller airplane. It looked like the guy didn't even want to get high or anything. He just wanted to pretty much not even take off. If we left it to him he would have just driven it over there, right through all the fields and everything, to enter Swaziland.

Well, anyway, he took off. Totally by Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace. The thing didn't look like it was going to do it. And we got there and took this little walk toward this little itsy-bitsy terminal - this stage is bigger than that whole building was. This stage is gigantic compared to that building. This is at least two stories high. That place was just one little story - a guy sitting there with his binoculars probably running the whole show himself.

"Yeah, you're cleared to take off. And you're cleared to land. And have you got your visa?" I don't know. But then we came and I was walking towards the building and these guys went over to this airplance and started taking the luggage out. All of a sudden I turn around. They were fighting with each other. I don't know why they were fighting, but then there was this fighting at this airport over the luggage scene. And they were taking the luggage and throwing it here and there.

Then we entered the terminal building. And in this terminal building there was this - I mean, it wasn't anything official looking. It was just a little desk, with this little guy behind it, stamping away at the

24 affinity

passports, really looking at the passports as if even he could read or understand what he was reading about. Or he probably didn't even know what he was looking for in that passport. But he would go through every page and really make it sophisticated.

And he handed you the passport and then you walked two steps away from him and he said, "Wait a minute. Are you coming or going?"

And it was incredible to be in this place. You go into this little lounge or whatever was there. It was just incredible. And then when we arrived there we had to take this long, long, long drive out to this place: really raw roads, and every little stream had a little sign, "Don't go swimming, poisonous snakes, poisoned water."

And we went to this hotel, so-called hotel. Thatched roof. Real thatched roof. Not just for looks, It had a purpose: it was the roof. And then no ceiling. Just that thatched roof. And then little rooms here and there.

I mean it was incredible. They even had these little things called the light bulbs which were little lanterns. Just gas. And you light them up and there is your light bulb. And to make it look like a light bulb, they even had a little switch on it that you could pull to cut the gas off. It was outrageous. It was something else. There was a little refrigerator there. "Don't do this." "Don't throw the tissues down" - it had a little sign by the toilet, "Don't throw the tissues down the toilet." These toilets operate by the mercy of the septic system or whatever. It gets clogged up and they probably have lot of problems.

There it was. That's it. That's everything. What is it? It's just that you can either get involved in all that, either we can be just in the concept - because that's all it is. It's a concept.

There is this one song in Hindi. It goes, "Oh Creator, You have done a miracle. You have done an incredible thing. By just Your imagination, by just a fragment of Your thought, You have created this entire universe." And it's incredible, because it's really true. Just by a little concept, just by a little idea, there is this whole creation.

But when we start to get little ideas and start to make our own creation, then there are definite problems. The Creator can have that. The Creator can do all that. But not us. We can't go into our minds. We can't go into our ego. We can't afford to dream.

In India, Vishnu is supposed to be on this lake. And on this lake there is this big snake. And this big snake has his head and Vishnu lies there and there is someone constantly massaging Vishnu's feet. We can't do that. We can't go to sleep on top of a snake.

That's not everything but our definitions definitely give these outlines. Our definitions definitely give everything certain meaning that we want to give it. And that's perhaps exactly what leads us down the drain, exactly what puts us into the pits, exactly what takes us away from that experience.

You cannot understand Guru Maharaj Ji by your intellect. You don't have the capacity in your brain. You're not intellectual enough to understand Guru Maharaj Ji. Your heart is not big enough, your brain, your understanding, your memory, are not big enough to even comprehend the experience of Knowledge. Your reasoning is so retarded that you cannot understand whatever is going on.

And that's why what we can't

affinity 25

comprehend - okay, there are these things that we can't comprehend. True. But Guru Maharaj Ji gives us a way through which we can comprehend, through which we can experience.

But then there are these things. Perhaps they're our stupid mistakes, perhaps our little idiosyncrasies. And when we get trapped in it, when we do fall down … it's like what I've been talking about. We take these obstacles, put them in front of us, then we tumble. When we tumble and when we fall down, we call it, "Oh, that's Guru Maharaj Ji's lila."

Is it Guru Maharaj Ji's lila? is it your lila? Is that really Guru Maharaj Ji's play or is that your play - to fall over an obstacle, to tumble, to fall down. to get hurt, to get confused?

We cannot understand a little thing and we say, "Oh Guru Maharaj Ji, I'm confused." What are you confused for? What do you want to stay confused for? Why do you keep getting confused? Do you like to be confused? And then what possibily in this world is it that you can be confused about?

I have held a lot of question-and-answer sessions in my life, I guess. A lot of them. And every kind you can possibly imagine. And a lot of people come and say, "Oh Guru Maharaj Ji, I'm confused about this" or "I'm confused about that." And one of the conclusions I have come to is if you are confused about it, you're not supposed to know about it. Leave it at that. You're confused, you're confused.

And yet Guru Maharaj Ji gives us another step. Guru Maharaj Ji gives us another chance to open up and look. Because what is confusion? Confusion is like your radiator getting clogged. Your radiator gets clogged and the water can't cycle, water can't be cooled, engine gets too hot - fires. That's it. That's the end of that engine. Overheats, cracks the block. That's it.

Every time we become clogged, which way do we turn first? Every time we get confused, which way do we turn first?

First we try to go to our own resources. We try to go to our own reasoning. We try to give ourselves our own satsang, that satsang not coming truly from our experience of Guru Maharaj Ji, truly not coming from that, but coming from our mind, coming for our ego. And we try to take our confusion away. And we can't do that.

To me, man has made this path so sophisticated, so sophisticated. Just like' everything else, this man, the human being, has also made the path of realization so sophisticated. "Guru Maharaj Ji." "What is Guru Mhaharaj Ji" or "What is devotee"? And I mean all these things. And yet it's so simple.

How simple is it? When the sun shines - like the sun is shining right now and it's falling upon you - what do you have to do to receive it? You tell me, what do you have to do to receive it? Anything? You have to get up and dance? Do you have to stand on your head? Do you have to do some kind of a ritual? Just be. Just be there and it falls on you, shines on you, - warms you, makes you too hot or whatever you feel.

That's the same way with the Grace of Guru Maharaj Ji. That's the same way with an experience of Guru Maharaj Ji.

26 affinity

Just be. Do your part: satsang, service and meditation. Be a devotee. Give yourself to Guru Maharaj Ji.

There is that song, "Please let me give myself to you." And yet Guru Maharaj Ji's saying, "Give. Give. Don't keep asking the question."

"Oh Maharaj Ji, can I please give myself to you?"

"Yes."

And then you go, "Oh Guru Maharaj Ji, can I please give myself to you?"

"Yes." And instead of giving ourselves to Guru Maharaj Ji, we keep asking the same question again and again and again.

"Can I? Can I? Can I?"

He says, "yes, yes, yes." And sometimes that's where it stays.

All the things that we believe in so much, all the things that we leave Guru Maharaj Ji for and go away and pursue, what are these things going to give us in return? What one single thing will they give us in return? All this maya or things that we pursue every day, what possibly do you think these things are going to give? What are all these things going to give you? What kind of an experience? There'll be that time when these things will have no more significance. They will be ended; they'll be finished. And that's it.

You have to understand that for those people who didn't have cars and who didn't have houses and who didn't have helicopters and airplanes and mansions and wives and husbands and clothes and eyeglasses and clocks and watches and underwear and socks and shoes and cameras and - all these things - how did they make it? These aren't the things. They still had to give themselves completely to Guru Maharaj Ji and not get distracted in whatever was there. A little sundial was their little clock. Wearing little portable sundials - Japanese sundials - on their little wrists. Little sheepskins or lion skins for clothes. "Who has the finest club?" Dragging your wife throughout the forest. The best cave: "Who has the best cave?"

All these things are always there. These things will always be there. And yet they don't have any experience. They're just deaf, mute, dead. Their presence and their non-presence is the same. Their existence and their nonexistence is the same.

Can you imagine if we were in that age where there were none of these things around? What would we be doing then? If there were no cars, no eyeglasses, no little chairs, seats, tents - if none of this were there - no P.A. system, no microphones, no mixing boards, no guitars, no drums … nothing. What would we be doing? You think then we would be perfectly realized souls? Then you think we'd be perfectly concentrated on Guru Maharaj Ji? No. We'll find something. We'd definitely find something to get busy in, We'd definitely find something to get involved in. We'd find something to get confused by.

And yet there are so many things here and there are premies who can't afford big houses. There are premies - look at an ashram premie. He's supposed to have renounced everything. And sometimes you wonder. The only thing sometimes it feels like those people have renounced is the idea of renouncing. They've given

affinity 27

up that idea. They want everything: be in the ashram and want everything. And yet for those people, how do they have an experience of Guru Maharaj Ji? It's like they don't. If they don't give themselves, they can't. You have to surrender. That's the key to this whole thing.

Everything that happenes, we take so much for granted. And here I am, even talking about the next Hans Jayanti. What makes me think that there is going to be a next Hans Jayanti? Anything can happen. Again, one day I might go flush the toilet and "poof!" Everything is gone. Nothing left! Just me. I can get up on the stage and give satsang, then go out there and listen to myself and that'll be the Hans Jayanti, I guess.

But all these things we have, all these things that we get into, all these expectations that we get involved with - they don't take us anywhere. Guru Maharaj Ji will. Are you going to count on it all year long? Are you going to be involved in the experience of the next Hans Jayanti? Are you going to wait for it? When you go back to your communities, when you go back to wherever you're coming from, are you going to be depressed? Are you? Are you going to be sad? "Oh shucks, it's long enough. Oh, God, I just can't wait till next year when it happens."

What about January the first? What are we going to do then? What about the day after? Are we really going to try this time? Are we really going to move it this time? Or is it going to be another saga?

We cannot be involved. I mean, everything that Guru Maharaj Ji wants to give to every one of us, you have no idea what it is. And yet you are completely binding yourself in such fashion, in such way, that Guru Maharaj Ji cahnot even reach you. Guru Maharaj Ji cannot even approach you and say, "Here. Here is your gift." You disappear. Completely disappear, completely become existent for mind and nonexistent for Guru Maharaj Ji.

The effort is placed, yet the effort is placed in the wrong things, just like that thing of how many premies does it take to screw a bulb on the ceiling? It takes four premies: one to screw the bulb in the ceiling and three to sit down and share the experience. How many times does that happen? To me, it is very obvious that when something like that thing the "sergeant" used to do … "We're going to have meditation seminars." Everybody sits down in meditation and there he is with a couple of other premies, making sure that nobody falls asleep.

Well, there is his opportunity to sit

28 affinity

down and meditate. Whether somebody is meditating and having an experience, that's their affair. Perhaps, they don't have to have an experience! But why do you want to lose your experience for their experience? That's it.

Okay, yes. True. Guru Maharaj Ji is merciful. But do we then automatically have a divine right to take any advantage of Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace? Yes, Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace, to take advantage of Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace? Absolutely not. By no means.

Just to be. That's all you have to be: just be a premie. Give. Just be a premie Don't be a professor, Don't be philosopher. Don't be a doctor. Don't be a patient. Don't be a firearm. Don't be a fire. Don't be anything. Just be. Just become who you truly are. Just become a premie. Your true nature: to be a premie, to be a lover. Open up. Don't completely close yourself and choke yourself from this experience. It's happening.

The thing is, okay, here we are and we are getting blissed out, maybe. I don't know. I am getting blissed out. I don't know if you're getting blissed out. But for seven days I can guarantee you that I've been blissed out. I mean, even two days before that, I came and it was incredible to come here, see everything that was happening here - all the premies - and then the program developing.

And yet I know that blissing out there always. Because it isn't this combination of land, of this stage, of these P.A. systems, or of all these things. It's just a combination of a devotee and Guru Maharaj Ji. Whenever that combination happens of a devotee and Guru Maharaj Ji, it'll be real it'll be alive. It'll be there and that experience will manifest for us. Wherever that is. Wherever that happens.

What are our options? Do we know? We pick our options. We think all these things that we do every day are our options. Are they truly our options? Can we afford to get involved in these things? Maya. Blindness. Illusion, confusion - all these "usions" that we have to watch for - confusion and illusion. Illusion will bring you confusion. And then where you are left? You're completely devastated.

When you walk away from the oasis of Guru Maharaj Ji, which oasis are you looking for? That is the only oasis. What can convince you, what does convince you so much, that there are other oasis around? There are so many hungry souls that have gone out there, looked and looked and looked, and have reported and have said, "Listen you idiots, there are no more oasis around. This is the only one."'

So many devotees, so much experience that they have had, and the only thing they could express is, "No. There isn't anything else in this world. No, there isn't anything around. No, there isn't anything else to get involved in. There is only one thing, And that's Guru Maharaj Ji."

And yet we think, "no, there are other things. Perhaps those are the things we should be involved in. Perhaps those are the things that'll bring us peace, that'll bring us satisfaction."

What is satisfaction? What kind of satisfaction are we looking for? What is going to satisfy us? What has satisfied us so far? What is the feeling of contentment?

Yesterday, nobody was satisfied. Last night, nobody was satisfied. "Some more and more and more." That's what Duie kept saying. "More." She would come back there and every time I'd leave the stage she'd stary crying. And then she'd come back there and she would point to me and say, "More?" And she wanted me to go out there.

And yet, nobody was satisfied. And if that same thing happens again today … if then still nobody will be satisfied. And if it happens tomorrow, then again nobody will be satisfied: "More, more and more."

Already there has been talk about, 'Oh, do all the ashram premies have to go back on Sunday? How many premies have to go back on Sunday? Perhaps we could just extend it one more day." (Our program coordinator just had a heart attack, I think.) But then, it's like after that one more day: "one more day." And after that one more day: "one more day." And after that one more day: "one more day." One more day and one more day, one more day, one more … never be satisfied.

But you know, that's the satisfaction of never being satisfied that satisfies us. Drinking a glass of water is significant. Being cold, being warm. That's insignificant. All those other things never satisfy us. But we constantly look for the satisfaction. And even looking for the satisfaction out of those things isn't the satisfaction that we are looking for.

But … being a devotee - giving, dedicating - we're never satisfied with it, never satisfied with what happens, never satisfied with -- that is always tendency. Programs. This could go on forever. This looks like, seems like, feels like, it never has to stop. So what? So what if there's no cold water anymore. (I shouldn't say that, right? Nobody will shave. So what? We'll all have beards. So what?) Finally it'll get warm enough that cold water will feel good: May, June - gets really warm, hot. And this can be. Wake up every day: meditation, arti, have satsang. And every month have one darshan. I mean, we could just be all 'here and three days out of the month we'd all have darshan. Three days out of a week have darshan, and it just could be going on.

And then I feel, even at that, the program is going to end tomorrow - it's such an abrupt end! Why does it have to be like that? Why does it have to stop after tomorrow night! Finished.

And yesterday - actually last night when … I shouldn't even say this. Forget it! Because it'll happen tonight and it'll be strange. No, I shouldn't say it. Out of the question.

So anyway, premies … we just have to try. (I don't even know what I was going to say now.) No, I remember what I was going to say. But I'm not going to say it. Because if I say it, it'll happen tonight and it'll be just too much. No, no.

But like I was saying, (moves his lips us if speaking. Looks at sound technicians). No, there's nothing wrong with the P.A. system - just for that moment it went out. I was just telling you. No, I just really shouldn't say it. It'd be too outrageous.

So as I was saying, it's incredible that Hans Jayanti has to come to such an abrupt end. Even being a week. I remember last year, here we were - every one of us - and I said, "Oh, maybe we will have a Hans Jayanti for a week," and it was like, "Oh yeah, it'd be incredible! For a whole week!"

Here is a whole week - how does that feel? Well, it felt great. But all of a sudden it's such an agony to end this thing. And yet …I don't know. I haven't any answers why it could all end. I don't know. But it will.

And only the next year's Hans Jayanti or next year's program - be it even on the first of January or be it in the last of this month or the beginning of December - whenever. February, March, April, or a program every week, or a program every day . . it will only manifest for us if we really give that effort, if we really try, if we become true to Guru Maharaj Ji, if we truly become Guru Maharaj Ji's devotees.

Look. If at the registration gate one of the things it said was, "Do not enter. Only those people who are Guru Maharaj Ji's devotees may enter" then how many of us could truly make it in? You don't have to be certified "Guru Maharaj Ji's devotee." What certifies you to be a "Guru Maharaj Ji's devotee?" A little piece of paper, a little card that says, "Now you are a devotee"? What? What certifies you to be "Guru Maharaj Ji's devotee," a little DLM card saying so? Knowing the name of an initiator?

If you're willing to be Guru Maharaj Ji's devotee, willing to be Guru Maharaj Ji's devotee, willing to try to be Guru Maharaj Ji's devotee, then you are a "Guru Maharaj Ji's devotee," then you can become Guru Maharaj Ji's devotee. There is no piece of card that'll hold you to it. There is nothing that you can do that can, physically, in this world.

But really having that want in your heart, sincerely. That's all. That is what Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace is all about. He can turn all this karma, all our concepts - instantly turn them and they'll be all gone. It can turn all that. It can change all that.

Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace. Not our ideas. Nor our pursuing of this world. Just give to Guru Maharaj Ji. Just let go. Be devotee. Then you will be a devotee.

And only two people ever will find out if you're a devotee or not: one's you and one's Guru Maharaj Ji. That's it. And soon, if you become a devotee, you will never know. Because you will be gone. That "you" in you will be gone. You will be here, but you will not be you. You will be a devotee.

So premies, just let it happen. Whatever is holding you back, pluck it and throw it away. Whatever is holding you back, just push it aside. Just let go.

So premies, thank you very much.

affinity 31