FOCUS ON HIM

Durga Ji's Satsang at Guru Puja, Geneva 10th September 1978.

Bholay Shri Satgurudev Maharaj Ki Jai! Pranam Maharaj Ji. Jai Sat Chit Anand.

It's really so beautiful that Maharaj Ji is here. His care for us is just… I guess we'll never know. I don't think we can possibly comprehend how Guru Maharaj Ji cares for us, how much care he has for each one of us.

I mean, you can look at it in the terms of: well, there's this world and it's divided up by different countries, different continents. There's North America; there's South America; there's Australia, Europe; and Maharaj Ji wants to take care of all of his premies. But that's just the way it's divided up in this world.

But Maharaj Ji's been speaking so much of how he really wants Europe to come together. He wants all of us to just really unite. He wants all of us to really focus on him. And I know we've been saying that in this festival -- focus on Guru Maharaj Ji - because that's what we've been saying in satsang for I don't know how long now. And it's like, yes, we really must focus on Guru Maharaj Ji. But we even have to go beyond focussing on Guru Maharaj Ji.

It's like when a baby's born, I don't really know how much a baby sees. I know they see, definitely, but I think their vision is very limited. A new-born baby can only see very close. Everything out there is very blurry. And I feel like because we've been in this crazy maya for so long our attention, our concentration is just so out there.

And when we receive Knowledge, we realize we now have a centre, a central point to focus on and that's Guru Maharaj Ji.

But to me I just experience: am I even focussed yet? After six years, am I even focussed on Guru Maharaj Ji? I feel like we're still just looking around so much and then we get a glimpse of Guru Maharaj Ji and we focus for a little while and it's like, "Oh yeah, Guru Maharaj Ji. Oh yeah! " And then we lose that focus. And we come in satsang together and we say, "Focus, focus, focus, focus," and we need to have that satsang.

But the thing is, is that all we're going to do: just spend the rest of our life trying to focus on Guru Maharaj Ji? Because Guru Maharaj Ji's saying so much more: he's saying, "Come to me. Come to me."

First you have to open your eyes, turn around from what we've been doing, open our eyes and look at Guru Maharaj Ji. And then what he's saying, what he's doing is beckoning us to come. But we just can't sit there and say, "Well, I'm trying to focus. I'm trying to focus. I've got to focus." Yes, we have to be focussed on Guru Maharaj Ji to see what he's doing, what he's saying. And he's saying, "Come."

Inside, in my heart, I feel like, "Man, we should just be running to Guru Maharaj Ji." Really, you know. If we really open our eyes, look at Guru Maharaj Ji, focus on Guru Maharaj Ji, see that his arms are outstretched. He's waiting for us to take a step towards him. And if we start taking that step he's going to be running and we're both going to he running. It's like a father and a child. And he's just saying, "Come."

After the festival in Philadelphia, Maharaj Ji was saying, "It was so beautiful." I mean, to hear Guru Maharaj Ji say, "It's so beautiful and the premies are so beautiful," I just feel like, "Oh God, Maharaj Ji. Yes, it's true premies are beautiful but only by your Grace." Because really what are we? But if by his Grace he sees us as beautiful, to him, then that's everything.

And when we come together in that love, get so concentrated and we open our hearts to Guru Maharaj Ji and we feel that love and then we direct it back to him, that's so beautiful. He was saying, "I really feel like premies are starting to understand." And it was like, "Oh yeah, Maharaj Ji, we're really coming to you," and he goes, "Yeah about like this." He just wiggled his thumb and his finger together. And when he said that, I knew it was true; that's how much effort we're making at this point. And in one way it was so beautiful for Maharaj Ji to say that and in the other way it was just like, "Oh God." It's like making the right effort …

Today, I was having satsang with Judy at the residence and it was just like: "Oh man, this life is just too much: what Maharaj Ji's doing, what he's done, what he is doing, what he will do."

It's like we're born in quicksand and somehow we realize that we're in quicksand. I've never been in quicksand but I know, I know because of my experience inside what quicksand would be like. And we see now that everything is not so hunkydory, that everything is not so great, that we are in quicksand.

That mind is like quicksand and we receive Knowledge and we're told, you know, we must get out. We realize, well we have to get out, so we think we can do it; we start trying to do it. Our foolish pride comes in and it's like: "Well, I got myself in, I can get myself out. I can do it." And Maharaj Ji says, "Let me help you, I can pull you out."

"No, I can do it myself! "

And the more we try to do it ourself the deeper we go, the deeper we go, the deeper we go. Maharaj Ji says, "Stop struggling. Stop fighting." And we're holding onto this branch that's just right in the quicksand with us. We're scared to death and we're holding onto this thing. We think as long as we hold onto this branch that we're going to he OK, that we won't go under.

But in reality, we're going to go right under with it. And Maharaj Ji's saying, "Let go." And that's our ego we're hanging onto because we think that's our protection and Maharaj Ji's saying, "Let go, give me your hand." That's all the effort we have to make: "Give me your hand." And we're going, "But if I let go I'm going to sink." We don't realize that if we hang on we're going to sink.

The only thing we can do is by Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace trust in what he's saying: trust and let go, and give him our hand and just let him pull us out. Only he can do it.

We were walking through the park in London and there was this little dog and Maharaj Ji said, "Come here, Hansi." He kind of pulled him over closer because Hansi was trying to run after this little dog. It was a very small dog; it was probably full grown, but a very small breed of dog. Hansi was

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trying to run over to him and possibly even pet him and Maharaj Ji said, "Bring him back here; because sometimes those little dogs are the nastiest." And I said, "That's true isn't it."

I remember walking by yards where there's a little dog and they're the ones that have the fiercest … you know, they put on this big thing and come charging at you like they're going to tear you apart. It's this tiny little dog and if you go "Boo" at him, something like that, they get really scared and then they start up again.

I just looked at Maharaj Ji and I said, "Why is that? Why are they like that? " And he said, "Ego." And I just said, "They have ego? " And he said "Yes." And I said, "Why ego? " And he said, "For protection."

It's like their protection. They feel they have to protect themselves, so they have this ego, whatever it is. But look at us, that's the same way with us: we have this ego. We're so scared, we're just so scared that we have this shell, this ego and we cling onto it. This is our protection in this world, so we can't get hurt, because we don't want to get hurt. So we have this ego. But really it's not our protection at all.

Guru Maharaj Ji is our protector and he is allowing us to see that he is our protector, that this thing that we have all our life thought would protect us, cannot protect us at all. The only thing we can do is to shed it, to drop it, to let go of it, because we really don't want it anyway.

When we really see that identification that we have with ourself, when we see it in truth, in the light, it's like: "I don't want that at all. That's not me, I don't want that. It's crazy. It's just ridiculous. It's just a farce, a fake, a mask that we wear." And Guru Maharaj Ji sees so clearly through it all, so much better than we do.

All I know is that Guru Maharaj Ji loves me and, yet, as strange as that may seem, that's the thing that I doubt constantly, that we all doubt because we allow mind to come in. And we all know mind's function is to doubt. That's what it does. Mind wants us to always doubt Guru Maharaj Ji, always trying to take us away from the experience of Guru Maharaj Ji. Doesn't want to have anything to do with Guru Maharaj Ji ever. Never. And so when the tiniest little thing comes up, it's like: "See, see, he doesn't love you."

I don't know if any of you experience that, but I bet you do. And then I know when I'm in that situation it's so incredibly painful. It's like this monster staring me in the face saying, "See, see see. He doesn't love you. He doesn't care for you. Now get into me! " That mind is saying, "Now come into me, don't get into Guru Maharaj Ji."

All we can do at that point is by some miracle pray to Guru Maharaj Ji, "Please Guru Maharaj Ji, don't let this happen. Don't let me, don't let me go into this devil, into this darkness, into this monster. Please save me." From our heart. And Guru Maharaj Ji will and does, so beautifully.

It just happened to me last night. It happens to me all the time: just some little way Guru Maharaj Ji comes through and then I'll just catch his glance and it's love, love, love, just radiating from his eyes to me. And it's like: "Oh Maharaj J how could I ever doubt your love? You've never given me any reason to doubt your love. Ever." And it's just a knowing

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smile, and with open arms accepting me, loving me. I pray at that time, "Maharaj Ji, please never let me leave you."

And yet I feel like, what happens … I don't even know what my experience is, I guess. It's like, how pure is my experience of Guru Maharaj Ji? Because even when I feel like everything is just so fine, everything's so beautiful, it's only you Guru Maharaj Ji, there's something sitting right behind there just like, "Yeah, yeah," just waiting, waiting, waiting -- waiting for the moment when I become a little vulnerable, the slightest little thing and then it goes, "Chhhrr… " It's just there and it's like: how did that happen, how did that mind get in there? Because it's sitting there.

And so it's like our concentration, our faith, our love in Guru Maharaj Ji has to be complete, one hundred percent, so that there is no room for mind. I know for myself that really it's just me and Guru Maharaj Ji. Yet so much of the time, all the time, it's always there's so many other people that my concentration, my whatever, just starts going out: what's that person saying? What are they doing? Why arc they doing this? Why are they wearing that? Why did it … ? I mean, just like all these things. Then I'll just look and there's Guru Maharaj Ji right there, always there, waiting for me to be a lover, be a real lover to him.

Alvaro was giving satsang and Maharaj Ji and I were listening on the video. And he said, "We're not in this world to enjoy this world, to enjoy anything. We're here to enjoy Guru Maharaj Ji." And when he said that Maharaj Ji smiled and laughed, but so subtly -- you know, it was like 'Yeah.'

And then I just looked at him and it's like: "Oh, but Maharaj Ji, that's what you're doing all the time, isn't it? You're always enjoying Guru Maharaj Ji." That's all there is to enjoy. Guru Maharaj Ji is enjoyment. He's, he's beyond anything we can imagine enjoyment is.

He was just like: "Yeah, enjoy me. Enjoy me. I'm here. I'm yours." He's making himself ours, to enjoy. Maharaj Ji says, "Come, relax in me. Relax in me." And mind is right there saying, "No, come, relax in me." We know what it's like to relax in mind because we do it all the time: "I'm too tired to meditate now."

"Oh, you've been working so hard, you've been doing this so much."

"It's two o'clock in the morning and you know you have to get up three or four hours later at six o'clock, you'd better sleep now."

Relax in me," that's what mind says. "Take it easy in me." And that's nothing. It's nowhere. It's like Maharaj Ji said, "Regressing."

When he said that last night, "Each day we're regressing," I almost … it's like I can't hear that -- regressing. Oh God.

Don't we want to be progressing to Guru Maharaj Ji? And instead we're regressing! Because now we know what it's all about. We're right there. We know what it's all about. We know this maya, we certainly know it. And we're just starting to get a glimpse of Guru Maharaj Ji. We know Guru Maharaj Ji, we do; in whatever way we do, we do. We know Guru Maharaj Ji, we know that Guru Maharaj Ji's perfect, we know Guru Maharaj Ji is perfection. We know Guru Maharaj Ji is our Creator.

And if we know and have experienced that Guru Maharaj Ji is our Creator, is the Creator of everything, we are a part of his creation, then just like someone was saying, "What do we do? " When we come to that point of realization, what can we do except bow, bow our heads and pray to Guru Maharaj J Worship him, adore him, like we're meant to do. What an incredible gift that is, to us, that Guru Maharaj Ji has given us himself. It's so beautiful. Guru Maharaj Ji, he's just too much.

How can you say … he's too shy of his own beauty. He'll say something so incredible like … Oh, I can't even tell you. I feel like I can't even tell you because it's too much … He'll say … Oh, I don't know how to tell you. Like he'll just say, in the most humble and beautiful way you could ever imagine, he'll just say something like: "Well, I'm not handsome." We'll be talking about something and he'll say, "Well, yeah, but they're beautiful, but I'm not beautiful."

It's like, "Oh Maharaj Ji, God." And yet, I can't even imagine how really Guru Maharaj Ji must be to Guru Maharaj Ji. He's perfect. And that perfection knows perfection. But still it's like he can look at me and say, "Oh yeah, you look beautiful," and then he'll just look down and goes, "But I have too big of a tummy," or something like that.

And it's like, "Maharaj Ji, you're perfect. Please let me see your perfectness, always. Please let me always be loving you." Over and over I feel like, "Maharaj Ji, when will you be precious to me? " It's like: "Yes, you arc precious to me, but when will you really be precious to me? "

And the answer's there. Maharaj Ji will be precious to me when Maharaj Ji is precious to me. When he is precious above everything else. When there is nothing else except Guru Maharaj Ji.

"Maharaj Ji, when will I love you? " And it's like, "You will love me when you love me. When you love me above all else." And in our hearts we say, "Oh yes. Yes, Guru Maharaj J

I want you to be most precious. I want to love you most. I want to put you above everything." Yet there's always something there. It's like: "Yeah, I do, but I'm afraid." Or, "Maybe tomorrow." Or, "Yeah, I know, someday."

But that just doesn't work; that can never work. It can never work because that's all it's always going to be -- at some other time. And that'll never happen. Then Guru Maharaj Ji will never be precious to us. We will never love Guru Maharaj Ji as we can love Guru Maharaj Ji. When by his Grace we can put him above everything, and he will take care of everything that we now think we have to take care of, that we now think we have to put our attention to. That's the thing.

We sit down to do meditation or, whatever, when it comes to that point, it's like: "Well, yeah, well now I've got to stop because I've got to take care of this. I've got to do that. I've got to do this and I really have to do it because I'm the only one that can do it and this is my responsibility," and dada dada dada …

But where's that faith then that: "Guru Maharaj Ji, You are Creator of all, you're sustaining me now. Won't you take care of those things, so that I can be with you? Of course he will, of course he will. But we always get in there and try to do it ourself. Oh, it's very convenient to have those things to do because then we don't have to sit there for so long and do meditation.

I know that by Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace we're coming to a point … I feel like maybe we've never been this clear. And yet we see now that we're very, very deluded. We see now that we aren't as far along as we thought we were. Because

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by Guru Maharaj Ji's Grace we're seeing clearly that we're really way out there. Guru Maharaj Ji is that perfect mirror. And now we're seeing, we're seeing more than we've ever seen, but what we're seeing is that -- I don't know, I don't really know how to say it …

I remember, I guess it was a couple of years ago, Guru Maharaj Ji was talking to me and he said, "You can just feel whenever mind comes in, you can just feel it." And I didn't know what he was talking about. I really didn't. I really didn't. I just like: "What d'you mean? "

Because I just didn't even realize how fine - and I don't mean fine in the good sense -- I mean how tricky, small, subtle that mind can be. How it can sneak in so subtly.

But now, it's becoming clearer and clearer when that mind just starts coming in. And so often we still allow that identification with that mind. That ego identifies with that mind. We want to be desireless and yet I can actually sit here and say,

"I really don't want anything. I really don't. I don't want anything but Guru Maharaj Ji." And yet if I can honestly say that to you, why - I don't know why -- so many times I find myself wanting something, desiring something, no matter how small it is? And it's like eating away, you know, whether it's a cup of coffee …

I mean, people of this world would think we were being very silly about wanting a cup of coffee. But we know that feeling - maybe it's not coffee, maybe it's something else. Maybe it's a cigarette, maybe it's to go somewhere to do something. But it's there. You know, "Come on, come on." And it's just like we're shoving Guru Maharaj Ji out of the way.

"OK, Guru Maharaj Ji, let me just do this one thing and then I'll come back to you. I just need this one thing and I have to fulfill this because otherwise it's just going to keep bugging me and bugging me and bugging me and I'll never be able to concentrate on you." And so we do it again and again and again. And that mind's never going to give up.

If we do it once, that's it. It knows exactly how to get to us, each time. Because how ridiculous -- some stupid thing like a little cigarette, or a Coca Cola, or whatever. That is enough to separate us from Guru Maharaj Ji? It's trash, you know. It's just nothing. And yet we go for that and say, "Guru Maharaj Ji, I'm sorry. I'm just going to have to put you aside."

And we may even go sneak off somewhere and shut the bathroom door and lock it and do the whole thing and have the realization that: "This is OK because I really need it now and it's OK. It's not something had. What harm is it?"

We know, you know, we know. If Guru Maharaj Ji walked in right at that moment, what would we do? We'd choke. And yet we can sit there and tell ourselves, "Oh but this is OK. It's OK." And like Maharaj Ji said in Philadelphia -- it was so beautiful, because it just shows us exactly where we're at -- if we think we can hide, run and hide somewhere where Guru Maharaj Ji can't see us, man, he said, "That's like going on the top of a giant's head thinking it's trees and saying, 'It's dark in here, let's light a fire. It's too dark, let's light a fire'."

Who are we trying to kid? We're not kidding ourself either. We know. But the thing is, it's some stupid little thing, no matter what it is, it's nothing. And yet that nothing is taking us away from the experience of Guru Maharaj Ji which is everything.

You know we wish each other well, we say, "Jai Sat Chit Anand." To you, I wish you the experience of truth, consciousness, bliss. I wish you the best thing I could wish you. I wish you the experience of Guru Maharaj Ji. That's the most wonderful thing you could wish for another person.

It's like sometimes you read on cards: "May all your experiences be nice ones." And that's true; of course we want all our experiences to be nice. But when it's the experience of Guru Maharaj Ji it goes beyond being good or bad, nice or not nice or anything. It's the experience of Guru Maharaj Ji. That's it.

And then it doesn't matter what the situation is. It's like it really doesn't matter, because we're experiencing Guru Maharaj Ji, and then everything's a gift, everything is Guru Maharaj Ji.

We know we love Guru Maharaj Ji, we do. I know we do and yet …

You know there was a card that came to Guru Maharaj Ji in London and on the front of it it said, "Can I call you sweetheart? " and then you open it up and it says, "Because I keep forgetting your name." And that just hit me, you know. It's like I say, "I love you, Guru Maharaj Ji. I love you more than anything. You're my everything. You're my all. You're my Lord, but I can't remember your name." And it's so absurd.

In a physical relationship of this world if we told someone we love 'em it's like: Well, I just can't remember your name. What's your name again? " They'd think, "Well, you're crazy. You don't love me. You don't even know my name."

And yet Guru Maharaj Ji's name is everything. Not the name 'Guru Maharaj Ji', Guru Maharaj Ji's Holy Name. Holy Name, most perfect, pure name. Word that is vibrating within us that is so beautiful. That's Guru Maharaj Ji's name.

I feel like: "Maharaj Ji, please, don't let me forget your name. How can I even say I love you when I can't remember your name, when I don't even try, because I'm too busy thinking about everything else."

And yet, I've experienced that I can't remember Guru Maharaj Ji's Holy Name by myself. It's not something that it's like, OK, I'm going to think about this, this, this and then whenever I want to, OK, Maharaj Ji, then I'll remember Holy Name. No! That sincere, sincere, most sincere longing to be Guru Maharaj Ji's, to be his premie, to be his lover, to be the way he wants us to be, when that sincere longing is there, then that Holy Name will be there.

You know, I look at Guru Maharaj Ji and I just feel like, "Oh Maharaj Ji, I don't know how to be, I don't know how to be with you. Please be me. Please make me be the way you want me to be, the way I should be with you, because I don't know how to be. If I try to be, it's just ridiculous. It's just a joke. Only when you let me be the way you want me to be, that's when I feel your perfection. And I feel I'm yours, not mine, yours."

And it's like: "Maharaj Ji, I don't know how to, I don't know how to be for you. I don't know how to serve you. I don't know how to do anything! So please, just do it for me. You do it so perfectly, I love it. I love to feel yours and I love feeling and knowing that you're my Lord."

You know, that connection … I don't really understand that connection, and I really don't want to understand it. I remember when I first … before I received Knowledge, I wanted to understand everything, I wanted to just understand. And now, really in my heart, it's not like I want to understand anymore. I just want to be the way Guru Maharaj Ji wants me

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to be. I don't know how that is. I mean, sometimes mind or ego will come in and think, "This is the way you should be. You should do this and you should do that and that's the way it's going to be five years from now." It's just so out there.

We don't have any idea. And that's nice we don't have any idea. It's wonderful not to have any idea. Just wipe the slate clean, you know, pure. No idea, no concept at all, so that Guru Maharaj Ji can come in and do it his way.

It's almost like a big huge drawing, or just a blank piece of paper that's constantly rolling by in front of us. And all our life we had all these colours, all these paints and we would paint black and brown and green and red and purple and all these colours and we thought we were doing such a good job making our own little design, making it just the way we wanted.

Then Guru Maharaj Ji comes and he says, "Here," and he takes our hand. He does it then, he chooses the colours, he chooses the design. And what we have to do is just let go of the way we think it has to be, should be, or the way we want it to be and just let Guru Maharaj Ji's hand do it for us. And we've all experienced that. I hope that we've all experienced when we allow Guru Maharaj Ji to do that, how beautiful it is, how perfect it is. You know, it's like 'Ooh! ' And it's always going by, happening right at the present, happening right now. And when Guru Maharaj Ji's doing it, it's so perfectly beautiful. But then we try and grab it away: "No,

I want to put this here. I want to put black and green," and it's like ugly. It's really ugly. And then it's like: "Oh, I don't want it to be that way."

Because in the paper coming ahead it's completely white; there is nothing. It's just blank. And that's what's gone past us. That's the way it is. That's it. It's like that. That's past.

And there's the present. And we can either try and do it ourself and make a mess, or we can just allow Guru Maharaj Ji to take our hand and just do it for us and experience the perfection, his creation.

I mean, look at his creation -- it's just giving us the smallest clue of how perfect Guru Maharaj Ji is. How beautiful this creation is. The sun, the way it shines; the way a seed opens; the way a sprout comes up; the way a flower blooms; the way it smells. Life, life is so beautiful. A baby in a mother's womb: the way it starts out, so perfect, so beautiful, growing, so perfectly.

We could never do anything like that. Man can never come close to doing anything like that. The whole human race has to look at it and be in awe at the beauty of this creation, the way Guru Maharaj Ji is.

Man only destroys. Mind only destroys, only destroys. Destruction.

Sometimes I feel like, who are you Guru Maharaj Ji? Who are you? I don't know. Only you know. What are you Guru Maharaj Ji? I don't know. Only you know. How are you? I don't know. Only you know. But it's like, when are you and where are you, where are you Guru Maharaj Ji? You are here. Always here. When you ask that question: "Where are you Guru Maharaj Ji? " Guru Maharaj Ji, you are here. By your incredible, infinite mercy and Grace you are here.

Always that question, that can be followed by: "Here, Guru Maharaj Ji is always here." No matter where I am, as long as I can say, "Guru Maharaj Ji, Where are you? You're here, Guru Maharaj Ji."

And "When are you? You're now. For me, right now. I'm alive." And that's all we need to know. We can never understand why, what, how? That's for Guru Maharaj Ji. But it's just like Guru Maharaj Ji is saying, "Just relax in me, in me."

But no, it wasn't supposed to happen, that we pick those guys up. But at that moment I really experienced that that's what happened to me. I was just like that -- cold, hungry, afraid, lost, and Guru Maharaj Ji came by and picked me up and put me in this incredible motor-home, this incredible boat, this incredible whatever, his world. And he's taking care of me like I could never take care of myself. Never! None of us could ever take care of ourselves the way Guru Maharaj Ji takes care of us. Can any of us say that Guru Maharaj Ji doesn't take care of us? That he doesn't give us everything, everything we need, and even more than that, even what we want? It's just really too much. Because he is our father.

You know, we have to stop being afraid, really stop being afraid, because whenever I have that experience of just freaking out -- you know, I'm really freaked out -- it's like: "Maharaj Ji doesn't love me, dada dada da," all this going on, then he comes and shows me that he loves me, he always has loved me, he always will love me. And it's like: "Don't be afraid, I'm here. Trust in me, please. Just trust in me, there's nothing else to trust in. Just let that faith and that trust, that's maybe ever so small, just let it grow. Just give that your love." That faith, that trust is our love to Guru Maharaj Ji. We don't have to be afraid anymore, really.

If we're still like: "Well, I'm going to go with mind," then we should be very afraid. I mean, because that's all that mind is, complete fear of Guru Maharaj Ji. Complete fear of Guru Maharaj Ji. And as the saying goes, "There's nothing to fear but fear itself." And that's mind. There's nothing to fear but mind, but that really doesn't apply to us if we really, sincerely trust Guru Maharaj Ji and allow Guru Maharaj Ji to take us into himself. And that's all he wants to do.

So, thank you Guru Maharaj Ji for allowing me to be alive, to be with you, physically to be with you, always inside. Thank you, Guru Maharaj Ji: Pranam.

Bholay Shri Satgurudev Maharaj Ki Jai!

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