I Just Want Him To Come

An excerpt of Brian McDermott's satsang at "Court of Love" September 5, 1977

Brian McDermott SnivellingBolie Shri Satguru Dev Maharaj Ki Jai !

Um, Michael's satsang - just for that short couple of minutes … (silence) is just very strong. And I just feel completely helpless. I felt it last night really strongly. I felt it this afternoon really strongly and I'm feeling it right now really strongly that I don't know what to do. And I want Him to come and help me. 'Cause I don't know what to do. And I don't want to sit here, wasting my time, not loving Him. (Silence) And I … it's too precious … today I had a … oh, I just want Guru Maharaj Ji to come so much. Even though I know he's here, I still want Him to come, you know? I really do. So much I just … I just want Guru Maharaj Ji to come. I'm really glad the family's together and … (sigh) actually I don't even care if the family's together (laughs) … Guru Maharaj Ji please come. You know, that's all I want. I just want Him to come. And I want Him to phone. And I know it's the middle of the night and I know it's really inconvenient but then I'd like Him to get on a phone and I'd like Him to come. And I don't even feel that I'd like him to come. I just feel it so deeply that I … (phew) if there's just the slightest possibility that He would come - that's what I want to hope for. I don't want it to stop the experience that I'm having right now, but if stopping the experience I'm having right now would help Him to come - I'd stop it (laughs) Oh, gosh.

OK … (clears throat) I'll try. I'll try and share some satsang. I still want Him to come. You know this is so serious. It's just really serious 'cause if He could've come and he doesn't come, cause we just don't go deep enough, I'm gonna feel terrible. And I, I don't know how to bring Him. I just … I just don't know how to bring Him. But I, I really want Him here. And if we have to sit here all night - and sit here all day tomorrow … and sit here all tomorrow night - as long as He's dancing by that phone … I just …. Well maybe, for me - it's not such a great sacrifice, I don't know - I don't have a lot of commitments that everyone else has. Maybe you'll have to make a sacrifice. Maybe he'll give me a sacrifice to make. You know I think the only thing we have to do … I don't know what we have to do … I just feel I don't … if that love doesn't have to have a reason why do I have to have a reason to want Him? Why can't I just say, "Guru Maharaj Ji just come, please." And I know we can sit here and we can become enthusiastic I know we can sit here but I also know that there's got to be a place that's touched within inside our hearts and that's the place from which we have to call Guru Maharaj Ji. On one hand, we can set up a video camera and Guru Maharaj Ji can see us waving and He can listen to us clapping. But do we want Him more than anything on this earth? 'Cause that's what I know it takes.---- Or it might take. And that's not something that I say just to say it. 'Cause I have things that are long overdue on being surrendered. And I … I'd really be willing to surrender those things … I think at this point, I'd be willing to do anything if He would come. You know, those songs - that we sing, do we ever mean them? I't so easy to sing a song that has a tune and you can clap to it and say "I would give you everything I own. I would give you my life and my heart and my home." But do we want to? To See Him once again?

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