Who is Guru Maharaj Ji ?
A Spectacle Special Report on the Mystic Mountebank of 1973
by Frank Fox
HOUSTON ASTRODOME NOV. 1973
H.L. Mencken slumped into a corner gasping for words while P.T. Bamum reverently took notes, overawed by the unabashed gall of THE SPECTACLE.
There, in the cavernous bowels of the Texas Toadstool, thousands of "blissed-out" simple-simons waited with baited breath for the arrival of their portly pie-man.
The lemming -like- losers gathered before the stage had come from the proverbial far and wide to pay their 3-day homage to the latest AntiChrist, the Holy Humbug—Guru Maharaj Ji.
The Fat Kid.
The "16-year old" Perfect Put-on.
The Sleazy Savior of '73 who was about to descend upon Houston's garish Astrodome.
From out of the East the Guru came, dispensing love and gathering riches.
In a more rational age, the Fat Kid would have been peddling porno post-cards in Port Said; but now, thanks to the folly of the times, he was passing himself off as the veritable Avatar—and getting away with it.
The Guru's plan had all the simplicity of a shell-game. He would sweep across America like the Black Death and depart with more plunder and booty than Attila the Hun.
And so, the Carnival Christ had at last come to Houston.
Houston was to have been the god-boy's triumph. This 3-day debacle, the so-called "Millennium *73" was to have been the greatest single event in the history of chicanery since the invention of 3-card monte.
The Fat Kid entered the arena in all his corpulent glory. He waddled onto the dais and gazed upon the credulous rubes at his feet.
He favored them with his very best beaming —one born every minute-charlatan's smile and the snake-oil show was off and running.
Or was it?
Something was wrong.
Instead of the expected overflow crowd only a few thousand sheep had arrived for the spiritual fleecing. It would have been a respectable size audience for a high-school football game but it was a decidedly inadequate reception for a god.
Even Rennie Davis, his mind shattered and stolen, had not been able to pack the palace for the Porcine Pontiff.
In short, the Fat Kid bombed. His hustle went down the tubes.
Why? Simply because, on his way to the Texas Apocalypse, the Guru had decided to visit the Motor City.
The August visit to Detroit was one of his first important publicity stops.
The Guru's advance men had even arranged for an official welcome from the sycophants of Detroit's Common Council.
The Fat Kid was going to get the first-class "key to the city" treatment shake hands with Mr. Belvedere, eat a free bag of Top Hat hamburgs -tour Zug Island—the works!
The Detroit visit, you see, was supposed to give the Guru's tour much of its initial momentum. It had all looked well for the Jaded Jehovah as he left the council creatures and entered the outer hall where the press photographers were— and then
One Soupy Sales Special shaving cream pie square in the fat face, dripping blasphemously down the overstuffed, $200—council's jaws dropped outraged whathehellsgoingonhere cops snickering suit.
One nasty gonzo-journalist from the Fifth Estate named Pat Halley pulled the plug on the Guru's greasy gig.
One righteous act derailed the god-boy's gravy train and left him looking totally ridi-culous-a coast to coast clown.
Halley transformed the Guru's grand tour into a Brahman Burlesque.
Halley's pie knocked the Guru figuratively flat on his back for the ten count—helplessly squirming and kicking like a rolled over turtle bloated toad.
The pie alone would have queered the Swami Shyster's credit, but when two of the Guru's goons later tried to kill Halley with a hammer, the Fat Fascist was through.
He was exposed for precisely what he was -a vicious unprincipled fraud.
Right On! Pat Halley.
Right On! Fifth Estate.
Scram, Fat Kid—crawl back to whichever side-show bred you.
by Frank Fox
Guru Maharaj Ji claims to be 16 years old.
He also claims to be divine.
The specific nature of his divinity varies, depending on who is telling the story.
Guru Maharaj Ji is either God in the Flesh, or God's messenger, or the Way to God or greater than God.
Perhaps he is God's tax collector.
Whatever the specific nature of the Guru's delusions of Divinity may be, one thing is certain: the God business has been quite profitable for this young man from India.
The Guru is the leader of "The Divine Light Mission" which was founded by his late father.
What does the Guru and the DLM have to offer?
Divine Knowledge, perfect wisdom, etc. A come-on that was ancient before Christ.
As of last year, the DLM and its front groups, both in India and the West, owned and/or operated various businesses dealing in printing, retail and food sales, office supplies, wholesale electronics, landscaping, carpentry and remodling, engineering, the production of musical instruments and sound systems, and other enterprises including an airline, according to Ramparts and the Fifth Estate.
The DLM also sponsors a school, radio broadcasts and two publications.
All profits, plus the sometimes substantial contributions from converts go to the DLM. The Guru, who has been investigated in India concerning possible smuggling of jewelry and currency, has a penchant for expensive ostentation.
He owns or has owned either personally or through the DLM, expensive cars, airplanes, camera equipment and residences both in the U.S. and India.
The Guru toured the U.S. extensively in 1973 to promote, among other things, his plan to build a "holy city" in California.
When the Guru was in Detroit, a reporter from the Fifth Estate hit him in the face with a shaving cream pie.
The reporter, Pat Halley, was later nearly beaten to death by two men who were soon traced to the Detroit DLM.
The men were identified but never arrested. From all reports they are still with the DLM. One of the men is a mahatma in the DLM, one of the select few who can "give divine knowledge."
The Guru, it would seem, takes care of his own.